Overdid it again in multiple ways

I may well have two therapists.  I have an appointment next Friday with Calvin's Mom and I had just the  most lovely chat with Hyphen 2 so I am really torn.  I will see both once and make a decision.  The former I can walk to her office; the latter would require using my personal limousine service, aka JB, as a means of transport.  So that is the first overdo.

Last night was the second.  Having waited two days for a large check to materialize I finally was able to deposit it.  Then I walked over nine miles yesterday, culminating in a walk with JB through my neighborhood, stopping to look at unique houses and their yards.  It was pleasant.  But by the time she left the two Valium and headache medicine had kicked in and for all intents I was loopy.  Ordered dinner in because  I wasn't fit to cook and then barely touched a mouthful before I decided to call it a night and went to bed at 10, only to be wide awake at midnight.  So it goes.

I was surprised this morning when the size ten jeans fit me like a glove.  Down from a size sixteen to a ten in five months,  pretty damn good, I would say.  And I am wearing my  comfy new shoes, Hush Puppies.  I forgot how nice that brand feels.  I am ready for my Union meeting today.  Good long walk and nothing to do tonight but grill a steak and kick back with a glass of my new found favorite beverage black tea lemonade with mango.  Lovely over ice. That's a good overdo.

Simcha is being very attentive this morning and Gonif puked at 2:00 a.m. So we have kinda been up since then.  Yankel is on the dining room table looking for a handout.  And that is the morning cat report.  I am taking my somewhat svelte self into work.  The. Tummy is still there but shrinking.  So   off I go.

Well...

I dumped the therapist Bird and thought I had a Jolly good replacement but the office informed me I couldn't change therapists within the same practice.  It is their rule.  So I was SOL as far as getting a new therapist.  Well, the wise one told me  to  call the number on the back of my insurance card, which I did.  I was able to,get an appointment with Calvin's Mom at an office close to my home.  If she doesn't work out I have Hyphen 2.  I am checking her insurance policies.  But at least I have some options.  And I dropped the yoga as if your mantra is 'this is bullshit' apparently it is not for you.  So that will probably mean the class which originally had seven participants will be down to two people.   That should give the instrutor pause. It was billed as a trauma based yoga, to relieve trauma and PTSD and all it did was increase my anxiety.  So that is down,  and because that medical practice wouldn't let me change therapists, I am considering taking my psychiatric business elsewhere.  I just feel like I was screwed over.

And I have been home bound the last two days and another day tomorrow, waiting for a registered letter to come.  Oh, and BTW, I was able to sell the condo.  So that was another reason to miss work as I had paperwork to sign and meet with my realtor.  So it has been a hectic week thus far.  Thank goodness I have a session of reflexology planned for Saturday.  I need to decompress.

So that's my story of the last few days.  Bye, bye Birdie and hello Calvin's Mom.  Let's hope that plays out well as I can walk to appointments and be a little more self sufficient.  And that is one of my goals.  Hopefully I can get out some tomorrow and walks I am just a bundle of energy, thanks in part to an overconsumption of iced tea.  You might say I am a little buzzed on caffeine.  Oh, well. It is  what it is....

Done deed

I was and am very unhappy and angry at the Bird and the Yoga Guy.  I essentially fired them both today.  She wasn't the right fit for my bipolar needs.  He has no sense of humor, is a literalist and make me chant my bullshit Om.  As a result I actually feel lighter and more calm than I have felt in recent weeks,   I am hoping my friend doesn't care if I don't go to this yoga class.  I found a new therapist and can call Monday to make an appointment for the 20th.  But basically I felt that if I had to take two Valium and four Neurontin before a session something was not working for me.  I can only hope that the new shrink at the very least has as sense of humor about life and can do cognitive based talk therapy.  That is the best thing for me.

I am going out tonight and try to forget all this bullshit of the past few weeks.  Going out to listen to some jazz.  I'll get me a club soda and will sit and relax.  Tomorrow breakfast out and then the farm market.  The weather is supposed to suck the next few days.  Sophie is in pain because of, among other things, the changing weather.  I'm a little weary of negative vibes and am distancing myself from the complainers and thems that has nothing better to do than whine.  Just don't need it now.  See my urologist Monday as I recently passed a kidney stone and feel like more may be coming down the pike.  No use complaining about this.  It is what it is.

Later my friends.

My mantra

So I went to my third yoga class last night and was wearing my Spire device to see if I actually reached a state of calm.  I did, but it was while internally chanting my own mantra of 'bullshit'.  I don't think I am the type of person who traditional chants work well.   I was calm through most of the two hour session, actually getting my breathing down to thirteen breaths a minute for over a half hour, but you have to remember I took two Valium and four Neurontin before the session.  So, of course, I was calmer than I had been during the day.  I did learn some useful techniques but as far as practicing them, well, I just don't know.  However with my 'this is bullshit' mantra I may just do that and practice breathing.  Most of all I miss Hyphen and while it will most likely be at least a year until she is able to practice again, I need to find a different therapist right now.  The Bird is a lovely woman, but doesn't like talk therapy.  I don't cotton to her EMDR or her idea that a rebirthing experience would be helpful.  No, I just want good, old fashion talk therapy.  Nothing New Age.  I will stick with the yoga another week and see if that new mantra continues to help.  Or if it was the Valium that relaxed me.  I think it was the latter.  I can identify problems and just need to talk then through, gathering my rosebuds while I may.  Pat and now Hyphen worked well for me.  I don't need rebirthing; I need to grieve what was lost.  Work that through with talk.  Hopefully the name I received for a new therapist will pan out.  If not, the search goes on.  I can always go back to Employee Assistance and see if Lisa has any ideas.  All I know yesterday as the closer it got to yoga class the angrier I was getting, mostly at the Bird for being so enthused about yoga.  Yes I kmow it works, but so do two Valium.  I was perfectly attuned to last night's session, just very relaxed and not angry at the world for the loss of Hyphen.

Done with talking about MPT

That's right...I am done. I am done giving her power to make me miserable; she has done her last miserable and rude act to me.  From now I will not give her the power to dominate me with her negative energy.  Oh I know, gentle reader, this makes you sad.  You love hearing her irrepressible and illogical acts of fallacious reasoning.  But I can't give myself over to her Dark Side.  As in "come to,the dark side....we have chocolate" except she doesn't even have chocolate, just the occasional bagel.  Nope. I am now done.

And now for something completely different.  I spent part of yesterday morning getting the new X1 operating system for my cable and, Lordy, is it ever cool.   And the really cool part is it won't cost extra for the first two years.  I'll worry about after that then.  I have a remote I can speak to and it will change channels and set up series recordings.  I can record four shows at one, not that I would, but I could, and watch a fifth.  And I can watch my recordings not just in the living room but also in the bedroom which just has a dumb box.  It's all very cool to this Techno-Slut, as some have called me.

The drooping tomatoes plants have improved with the outpouring of rain yesterday.  I fear now I must drench them multiple times a day.  But I am getting tomatoes.  And peppers.  The herbs are doing fine with the sage producing a bumper crop I know not with what to do. Dill looks great and some nice basil and mint.  I love mint in my iced tea and I have a bumper crop of that as well.  So Sans Souci, garden-wise, has a few issues, but nothing I can't handle.

Gonif Cat is doing well on his high protein diet regimen and Yankel Boy might be shedding a pound or two.  Simcha is just Simcha...a happy go lucky youngest child with not a care in the world.  Except maybe that his treat tower is losing treats and has to be refilled.  And that is the morning cat report. Speaking of cats my pal Louis took the nicest photo of Simcha and gave it to me framed for my birthday and it is proudly displayed on he living room book shelves.

Well, I must be off. Time to haul my sorry ass to work.  I'll have lots of miles today as I have a dental appointment, need to pick up prescriptions and lunch and walk home.  Then there is yoga, that's right yoga, tonight.  Busy day.

Rude Magic PlasticTuna

Well, I have never been cut off when I was walking but today was a first.  MPT was riding her bike in the street as I was crossing and the next thing I know, whoosh, she cuts me off. Now Percy might opine that she was having a bad day, to which I would ou ter that she is just an a**hole.  Some people are just occasionally one but the MPT is a regular.

Other than that and a wet walk to my gut doctor nod a clean bill of health it was a good day.  Much like Gonif curled up in his new perch.

Sans Tuna

Well, I have not a care in the world as the Tuna is off all week.  My boss, silly woman, is in China teaching and left me in charge.  At least that is what she told me.  I am feeling empowered.  Tonight is a yoga class, the third in a series, and I really did enjoy the first class.  I was so enthused I bought a yoga mat, which I have hidden from the cats as it is foam and they love to chew foam things, like the handles on my snow shoe poles and the foam on all my guitar stands.  So my mat and block are locked in a closet awaiting my fetch tonight.  I have my union rep training session at lunch today and that will give me an opportunity for a head clearing walk.  I bought a device called a Spire, which in addition to measure steps measures focus, tension and calm.  I thought I would have no trouble being focused at work but it turned out when I thought I was focusing I was really tense for long periods of time.  So I am working on my breathing today and trying to focus without being tense.  It's a neat little device that is keeping me mindful of my state of being.  I will wear it, discreetly, to yoga today to see if I am able to maintain a calm mien.  I brought some of my roses in yesterday and not even that could generate a mind set of calm or focus for me.  No, yesterday I was just tense for long periods of time.  Right now it shows I am focused, so I am obviously doing something I enjoy.  Today I am wearing both the Spire and the Fitbit because God knows I need to keep track of myself.  Oops, I am out of focus bordering on tense again.  Time for a calm break and the opening of doors.