Oh, my...Hyphen

Yesterday, if you were sentient, the first photo you saw in the blog was a hole in my wall.  Today there is one in my heart.   My beloved Hyphen, she of the giraffes and therapists to the best and brightest, like moi, was in an unfortunate (is there really a fortunate one?) taxi cab accident and is out of commission for at least a month I am told.  It does not upset me that I will not have MY therapist for a while; I am actually doing rather well considering all the disruption in my life.  What upsets me, causes me pain is the fact that she is hurt.  I wonder, long term, the effect this will have.  Now, gentle reader, you may not know this but now you will.  My just turned 90 year old grandmother was riding in a funeral procession in a car with three of her sisters when a Montgomery Ward (remember them?) truck shot through the procession and T-Boned the car, killing my Dorothy, my beloved grandmother, instantly.  I was "fortunate" enough to get the call at work and for almost nine years I was unable to grieve   I ended up having a breakdown those nine years later, only to recuperate at the lovely Stress Unit out in Owosso (that's in Michigan) for two weeks.  I have the same sense of numbness now regarding Hyphen.   Totally out of my hands.  She, who always would remind me how short and transitional life is, is now in a local hospital, soon to be rehab.  I don't fret for the time I will be without her.  I fret for fear of taking my seemingly petty problems to someone who has endured so much physical and emotional pain.  The aunt who was driving the car wherein my grandmother was killed suffered a broken pelvis and was never really the same mentally after the accident.  I remember my dad taking me to visit her in the hospital the day after the funeral and her begging me not to hate her for what had transpired.  My father was a wise man in taking me to see her and bringing me to a point of forgiveness.  Can I forgive myself for Hyphen, for the way I feel; not abandoned but somehow responsible for her pain.  I don't know if this makes any sense...it did last night to my AA friend.  But I am sure Sophie will tell me to not take it out on me.  To be rational.  How can I even consider seeing another therapist when she is hurt.  And how can I see her again after she has been so mangled?  Not knowing the actual injuries is a trifle upsetting as well.  To only know she will be in rehab speaks volumes about the nature of the accident.  I am bereft.