Today I am going with my realtor back to the condo to list it for sale. And I feel an emotional crash about to happen. It began yesterday with the ants at my desk. Then the two Yahrzeits, one last weekend and one in ten days. I don't know why the ants at my desk upset me so; almost to the point of bringing depression to my door. The Yahrzeits (Literally means a year's time...an observance by Jews for the anniversary of a death) I understand, but ants? Brody's mom thought the ants might be the revenge of the departed peonies. A payback of kind. Good thought. Doesn't take the edge off but an interesting observation. My hands ache; the right one is swollen around the knuckle and burns so I am thinking it is a good thing to see my rheumatologist next week.
So emotionally I am feeling a mood shift coming on. Again, maybe it is the thought of going to the condo for the first time in five weeks and seeing it empty. Putting it on the market really marks a point of closure for me. The Happies I have with the new house seems to be slipping slowly away today. Maybe I need to be in the garden today instead of signing an agreement to list the condo. Working in the yard makes me happy. Walking and getting my FitBit up to 10,000 steps a day...that makes me happy, in an obsessive sort of way. And then I think of poor Hyphen recovering and not being able to enjoy her home and garden this spring and summer. And Autumn and beyond. I don't know that I will return to see her in a therapeutic setting as the thought of "dumping" on her after her traumatic injuries in the auto accident seems hurtful in a way to her that I really can't explain. And if I have a year of work in with another therapist, who I have enjoyed working with thus far, I may not have the energy to re-engage with Hyphen. As we were going to a concert last night again I thought of Hyphen and that she couldn't and wouldn't be able to enjoy the music, the spring night, the gentle spring rain of yesterday in a "normal" sort of way for quite some time. She has instructed another MSW to keep tabs on me, a counselor on campus, but the hole that has been created by her absence is immense. Better I should keep up with The Bird. Also, I miss the ability to connect with Hyphen with email and get a fairly quick and good response from her. I can call The Bird but that takes more energy than an email. And more of a personal interaction that I am not prepared to make right now.
So, emotional setting is in the dumpster right now. I was mad at the cats for urping on the bed yesterday and "forcing" me to throw it in the wash before the stain set. Then coming home from a great concert I had to deal with the bed, putting the bedding in the dryer, making the bed with a fresh set of linens (with the cats help and hinderance of course) and finally eating late and putting myself to bed at midnight, only to awaken five hours later to stiff hands and a practice session with the mandolin at 5:00 a.m.
Mood swings. I gots 'em.
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