Longer weekend than anticipated

I had a five day weekend due to the furnace malady on Wednesday.  Today I went out to breakfast with friends and rely couldn't eat what I ordered.  I had the mother of all hot flashes at breakfast and was too nauseated to eat.  Got home and dealt with a Sunday headache.  Gonif cat christened th new rug with Greenies up but it cleaned up well and I am not mad at him.  Gave him some chopped turkey, which is what he really wanted in the first place.  Now we are all back in our relaxing positions and I am plotted dinner,  I believe chicken Marsala    Do not want to face work tomorrow and therapy and a lesson.  I bought new mandolin picks which I like but they are taking getting some used to.  So I am just chilling until dinner and may break down and read.  Haven't had the concentration necessary for reading due to this running joke of a headache.  Took a nice hot shower and some Valium and not I am trying to relax.  So I will watch football and co time to plan dinner.  I heard about the new house.  All the paperwork is In and that went to the negotiator,  I hope to hear in December in the affirmative about a closing date.  Then the real work begins on the house.  I was a little spooked yesterday and someone with access to the building shoved a fortune cookie fortune under my door and thst has made me more determined to vacate these premises.  We lost one fish Friday and that was sad.  I think I will give up th fish tanks when I move.  I will have a fountain instead.  My new chairs will be delivered this week.  Things are moving forward on the house.

So that's about it

Thanksgiving with Gastric et al

Had a nice Thanksgiving with Gastric and her family.  Mr. Gonif Cat has been enjoying  bounty of dark turkey meat.  But Yankel here says it all about the holiday.  He is sacked out, like I was most of the day.  About to delve into the kitchen to fix a dinner of flank steak, mashed potatoes and broccoli.  Somcha and Gonif are in the music room sleeping together,  Gonif has mawed down enough dark meat turkey to have tryptophan overload.  But truly Yankel says it all.  A quiet day at home, two more days off and the holiday season off to a rousing start.

What a day

Woke up at 4:00 a.m. and showered and dressed before I realized it was really cold in the condo.  The furnace was on the blink.  Got someone out by 5:30 a.m. and it was repaired by 6:00.  A.m. That is.  So I hd the day off from work and fussed about.  Went to Krogers and shopped, taught a guitar lesson, got a haircut and made a lovely dinner.  Gastric had a great day as she leased the car she was test driving and now her whole family will be at Thanksgiving, including the adopted Good Me.  Kinda dreading it as I don't know the family dynamics and how everyone will react to me as the interloper.  Gastric is a great cook so dinner and dessert should be lovely.  I'm hoping to get some real sleep tonight and not have to deal with house problems.  An unexpected day off and it actually turned into a good day.  And that is the truth.

I'm so tired

I am glad this is short week and I can rest for a few days before all the holiday festivities break loose. We are going to some concerts, a holiday dinner out.  My own Hanukkah party, the trip to the Detroit area to have deli and enjoy a show.  I am still debating taking off time at the holidays between Christmas and New Year but I don't know what I would do.  Be bored, nap, be bored.  I just don't know.   No Hyphen during the holidays, like she has a right to a life.  Working sometimes makes the time pass faster.  So I just don't k ow.

Meeting with Gastric and Dan today to discuss her car situation.  The. I am going to medicate, make breakfast for dinner and crap out.  Big day tomorrow with a hit cut and maybe teach a lesson. .  I don't know.  Four days off nd no plans.  I have lots to rad and should relax by doing that and watching football.    Hang with the cats.  And practice the mandolin.  That sounds like a plan.  Right now I am tired, tired, tired.

So off to work I go...

Opera

Cosi go fan tutti was a hoot.  Great production and very enjoyable.  Prior to the show Gastric and I met with my financial man Dan to get the ball rolling on getting Gastric a car.  Things seems to go well.  Dinner was running a little late and I was anxious about that but all in all it was a great evening.

Right now, however, I have been miserable with allergies all day.  Sneezing, itching and sleeping off antihistamines,  eyes watering and the Benadryl has been making me emotionally depressed.  Some of that is the residue of doing nothing all day.  Didn't eat all day and in about two hours dinner will arrive in the form of Chinese food.  But more than anything I itch like hell.

On December 14th Gastric and I are going to Detroit for a show and deli food with my synagogue group.  I am going to pass her off as Jewish.  She is actually Irish but claims to be a member of the lost tribes   I heard from my group today and we will be going to the Stage Deli.  I haven't had good deli in a month of Sundays and then some.

Monday is Hyphen.  I have an agenda.  Hopefully I can sit still without scratching my skin off.   Sounds like it is time for another Benadryl.

Later

Make things right

I have this overwhelming need to make things right, not only for me but for the world.  I don't watch the news as this only brings sad tidings and I want to make things better.  And don't get me started on the Humane Society and ASPCA commercials.  I want to kiss every boo boo and make it better.  A compulsion.  Something to discuss with Hyphen.  I am saddened when I can't help.  I go overboard buying gifts for friends for birthdays and holidays as that is the kind of woman I am.  I mention this because I want to make everything right.  And when I can't, I get hurt.  I get hurt a lot it seems. I would trade places with Gastric if I could and take her pain from her accident.  Poor Gastric is so bruised.  I worry.  Dan the Man is coming tomorrow to discuss finances with Gastric.  Then dinner and off to the opera.  Maybe that will help take some of the sting out of Gastric's present situation.  I can only hope.  I want to make her better.

The Authority Czarina and the Grim Reaper

I just received a CNN news announcement in my email that Mike Nichols, of Nichols and May, and also a consummate film director, passed away this morning.  And, like the good Authority Czarina that I am I checked his online national authority record to see if I needed to close the dates.  Well, he was a unique man and make no mistake about it he had no dates attached to his name.  I suspect tomorrow morning when the changes are made and updated, I will export a newer authority record with information regarding his passing.  He was 83, a nice age to be, a great artist, and one of my early comedic icons, he and Elaine May.  Funny, funny, funny.  He went on to direct Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, among many others.  What a classic that film is.  But such is the nature of my job, my training and my inclinations that I immediately checked his authority record for more information.  Not soon after the Grim Reaper reaps, I write.  And that is all she wrote.  Always makes me mindful of death and how fragile life itself is.  Death, always seems to be close to the surface of my thoughts, especially now and then and then Hyphen reminds me how little time we really have.  And that is true.  Live today for tomorrow we die, and tomorrow and tomorrow, creeping at its not so petty pace...death and holidays.  I can't wait for the new year.

Plans

Going to the opera this weekend, Cosi Fan Tutti.  Brody's Mom was to have accompanied us but her new sweetie will be in town so she finked out on us.  So it is Gastric, the Sherpa and the Evil Nutella who will experience the joys of opera for the first time.  The opera is comedic and what could be wrong with Mozart?  Dinner beforehand.  As far as Gastric's automotive problems they continue with a loaner.  I suspect they will total her car out.  Dan, my Financial Man, has offered to help her figure out her options financially and automotively.  Hopefully "we" can get together soon and she can discuss her options.  Dan has loads of connections and hopefully Gastric is not reduced to going to Paradise Lost Motors.

I need to watch my spending.  I think I am done with holidays and what I can pre-purchase for the new abode.   Should be able to pay off the bulk of the early spending this coming December.  The music room looks a wreck.

I do believe this weekend I should clean my aquariums.  It looks like something may have died in in one but hasn't floated to the top as of yet.  Maybe the lone shrimp has passed. I will vacuum the gravel and wipe down the walls.  And look for the deceased.  In any event it needs a partial water change.  I know not if the fish will follow me but if they don't my fish guy will take good care of them.  He has volunteered to adopt them.  Good guy that he is.

Tonight I suspect I will chill, but not literally.  This is the first night this week I don't have anything going after work.  The only night.  Safe at home, cook a nice dinner and relax.

And so it goes.

Oops

Changing plans again, mayhap.  Poor Gastric had an accident yesterday with her "ve-Hic-cle" possibly totaling it out.  She is off work for a few days to recuperate but she is basically fine, however sore.  If they total her car out I hope she can find resources to purchase from a more reputable place than Paradise Motors, as in Paradise Lost Motors.  I am hoping she can realize her dream of getting a newer car.  And I hope she can get a rental until she finds a better car.  Her whole family depends on her. Literally!  As do I, to a certain extent.  This could really impact Thanksgiving plans for her whole family.  Hopefully it will not come to that.  I wish I could be of more help.  Maybe I can...But this just goes to show that terrible things can happen around the most "festive" time of the year.  Hopefully this is the only bad thing and the rest of the year will go smoothly for everyone.  That said, I hope no one is struck by misfortune.  This isn't about me, but it might as well be as terrible things always happen around this time of year; take my dear grandmother's departure for instance.  And, no, I shan't be rehashing that Christmas cautionary tale.  Just be on guard.

Tonight, weather permitting, and that is an iffy thing this time of year (until April probably), JB and I are going to an MSU women's basketball game.  Beforehand she is taking me shopping so I can load up on goodies prior to the holiday.  Gonif the Cat needs turkey.  I made the mistake last week of cooking him a turkey breast and adding gravy, which I thought he would like.  WRONG!  He wouldn't touch it.  This week without gravy.  Yankel had his nails trimmed last night for the holidays.  See, he has thumbs, a six toed kitty with extra nails that can grow into his pads should they not be tended to.  He saw the vet and started hissing.  She got him in the bathroom and clip, clip, clip, he was done.  Easiest time she has ever had with him.  Simcha was unimpressed and would not go near the vet.  So that is the cat report up to the minute.

We in Technical Services have a meeting today from 10-11.  I have no idea of what about.  I think they will announce a number of retirements and plans not to fill those positions.  I am secretly hoping Mal will be amongst the recent spate of retirees.  To mark the end of the meeting I am ordering in sandwiches for a crew.

And that, dear children, is the day up to the minute.

On third thought

With the impeding holiday, i.e., Thanksgiving, I decided to take a week's break from mandolin lessons.  He loaded me up with two weeks worth of work and I am enjoying practice more than ever.  The problem with lesson on Monday nights is that they come on the heels of therapy and I usually am tired and headachy the rest of the day.  The get in a nap usually but an somewhat out of it during the lesson, especially when he is trying to show me picking: down up down, up, down, up, down down up and so forth.  I have a better handle on it this morning, 2:30 a.m. Up practicing.  I feel a little more confident.

Not much of interest.  Therapy yesterday was odd...death, dying. Shame and guilt.  Freud would have been proud.  Tonight, unbeknownst to him, Yankel is seeing the vet to get his nails trimmed.  It will be a long day at work, ten hours, and then the vet.  I need some more sleep.  It's snowing and lots of snow is promised along with very cold weather.

I think I will take a little nap out of petty sleep.  I am so tired I can't see straight.

On second thought

Thanksgiving is coming in less than two weeks,  the penultimate holiday of the year.  I am to go to Gastric's abode and be with her family.  It is a lonely time for us orphans of life.  My original plans shot to shit, same for Christmas and before that we shall see how Hanukkah shakes down.  I have a small get together planned for the 17th of December,  latkes and Apple sauce.  Maybe make a brisket and have an actual meal.  That will be my last hurrah for the season as I think I am going to keep to myself the rest of the year.  I was thinking of taking some time off but I don't know what I would do with myself.  We get four days off for each holiday.  So save my vacation time for when I can move hopefully in the spring.

Alright. My pithy pity party with the prancing purple pigmy ponies continues in private.

Nothing

Did mostly nothing this past weekend but be annoyed by allergies, which Yankel the cat and I shared.  Both of us took a Benadryl.  He is now sacked out on the couch, thusly.  I am preparing dinner and the largest feat of them all, which is actually getting some sleep on a Sunday night.

Here is my big boy all sacked out.

Our new cat trees

Here is the latest addition to the Chateau Levy to be moved soon.  Yonder lay Simcha in the top bunk in full repose.  The cat perch to the left had to be added as there were too many pissing matches over who got to lay on top.  This way all three of them can have a perch or a tube.  Lots of sisal for scratching purposes.   This is pure kitten heaven.

Friday surprise

Well, here it is Friday,  my music room looks akin to the beaches of Normandy and all is amiss in my world.  I am surprising Gastric with lunch today so dearie, if you are looking for a clue, eh, not so much here.

Another weekend approacheth and I am still unsettled as to where my future be.  Sometimes I just think it is so easy to just give up and sometimes I am a fighter.  Right now, I am tired of waiting and thinking I will slash my wrist if I don't get the perfect house for me and the boys.  I think I have finally accepted that I need to move and I hope and pray it is to my new venue that I am waiting on.  There is so much potential at this home,  I would get the kitchen of my dreams and not of someone else's dream.  I want to have my imprimatur on this home.  And that included a complete kitchen tear out,  re-finishing the floors, painting.  New furniture...my home.  I need to keep up. Dan the man says at least I have made the first big decision, that is to move.  Now I must get THE place.  And I have it, it is just taking so long to get a closing date or even to put a down payment in place.  Short sales are not easy.  On anyone, especially me and the realtor.  And everyone around me, like Hyphen and Gastric.  I will be devastated if I don't get this one home.  Embarrassed and devastated.  I never should have told a soul I was thinking of moving.  And if I do not end of getting this one house I feel like I will have egg on my face.  I suppose there are worse things.  But nothing like this has been on my radar before. I can remember when I looked at this condo and put a down payment on it the same day I saw it. I don't know why this is so hard.

Alright, maybe if I stop fixating on this I can relax some.  Ah, who am I kidding.  I am like a pit bull where worry is concerned,  I worry worry to death.  Alright, I won't slash my wrists.  But it is going to be a long ass winter.  Hopefully I get an early Hanukkah present of a new old house,  I can...

Story of my recent life

Sleep...


Between worry, anxiety  and the cats sleep has been haphazard.  I really identify with this song and it is nice to  put words and music to the insomnia.  Please be for weekends and Restoril.  Yeah, take some time out of petty sleep.

I spoke with my realtor today who did two things.  First, assured me things are going forward and second, even that being true it could all fall apart if the bank and the foreclosed people get pissy.  Then I would not only be devastated but embarrassed that the plans gang aft agley as it were.  Let's hope the bank, Citi by name, doesn't get too pissy.  The bank can forgive the former mortgage holders the rest of their debt but then they have to report that as income.  And they may rather strike a better deal where they owe and pay nothing.  I hope to God they are decent folks and just want to get out from under the burden of a foreclosure.  Here's hoping.

The waiting is the hardest part (with apologies to Tom Petty)

As I understand it the house process is jammed up at the title company.  Everyone is telling me to breathe, relax and expect the best.  The bank wants more information from the title company and HUD, which should bode well for me.  I have, after all, been pre-approved for the mortgage with 20% down.  The problems aren't on my end.  The only problem is that I want this one house so badly, primary because it needs some work and I ca.n put my own imprimatur on the place.  And it is just perfect for me.  For Me.  I am just going out of my mind and the whole process I must accept is rally out of my hands at this point.

And, on top of that, winter is at our doorsteps.  Cold, darn cold.  First day for a winter coat.

It will only get worse from here on out.

The glass is half full.

To be a king is not worth it
         H.B Levy

It's good to be king
          M. Brooks

The waiting IS the hardest part
            T. Petty

Hurry up and wait

Stress

I think as long as the house is pending I am destined to have stress headaches.  I must say by the time of my lesson last night I was fairly out of it because of some headache meds and some Valium.  That said it was a good lesson.  Have a few new pieces to play and some old pieces to tighten up.  Practiced for forty five minutes this morning,

Yesterday with Hyphen was a very good session,  again I wa plagued by a headache which caused my eyes to tear excessively, or maybe that was allergy.  In any case I was feeling miserable.  But the session went well.

Cold weather is approaching, maybe some snow.  It is snowing like hell up north.  But we will just be cold...polar vortex, as opposed to the Polar Vortex, a person who was an acquaintance but had turned into a different kind of soul sucker.  She just took your life over.  A frustrated mother she might be...a mother without real children but who basically collects people and tries to run their lives. We parted ways after she approved of a more aggressive surgery than I was prepared for and made th decision for me while I was under anesthesia.   I was out of work for six weeks, instead of the week the regular surgery would have allowed for.  And then the surgery was bothced and I had to have the same surgery, although laparoscopically this time, two years later.  And I was only out two weeks and that included a week in the hospital because I had developed pneumonia.  Life is good that way.

In any event stress rings supreme.  Thank goodness for Valium.

Saturday in the park with George

Spent the day napping, watching football, cooking and putting two new cat trees together.  Made beef stroganoff for dinner and will eat soon.  Watching more football.  Too anxious to watch MSU so I am watching Alabama and LSU play.  Checking the scores o. All the games. The Auburn and Texas A&M game was great.  That's when I decided to put the cat furniture together and they have yet to try it out.  It will be perfect In the new house.

Tomorrow more football and the Moscow Symphony with Nadia  Sonnenberg,  I love her violin virtuosity.  Hopefully Brody's Mom is back from Grand Rapinds to go with me.  We shall see.

Other than putting cat furniture together I had a okay day.  Not much to,report..

Exhaustion

I have just been exhausted of late.  Whether there is an emotional component to that I know not.  I am tired when i go to couch (no bed...yet). And tired when I get up.  Tired all day.  Some may be subliminal depression waiting to hear about the house.  Some is due to the impeding holidays.  I have a Yahrzeit in late December and that always brings a moodiness.  It's like I am always waiting for something bad to happen around the holidays.  My grandmother was killed a little over a month after her 90th birthday in a car accident in which she was a passenger in a car in a funeral procession.  This is how long ago it was.  A Montgomery Ward truck ran into the procession and my aunt who was the driver was seriously injured and never the same after that.  Her sisters were someone injured but required no hositalization.  My grandmother was sitting behind the driver.  Killed.  Like that.  The arrangements were a clusterfux of her sisters and my parents engaging in an argument over where they would sit Shiva.  The house in Detroit, well, was in Detroit and all the family other than my parents lived in the suburbs.  So we had a split Shiva.  I was a mess.  In shock, dealing with a cousin who was told by my grandmother to watch out for me (apparently at 31 I couldn't care for myself).  What my grandmother never knew is that cousin abused me when I was five and I had no regards for him and his wife.  Which also was borne out by his actions after aunt Martha passed away and their manipulation of her last wishes and her estate.

Like I said I was in shock for months afterwards.  Probably what contributed to my breakdown a few years later.  Friends thought it would be a nice idea to take me to a movie.  So we saw the Color Purple and I wept throughout the movie and this didn't help matters.  Having the breakdown was more beneficial.

So because of this I have uneasy feelings about this time of year.  Making it to the 1st of the year is always a victory.  Waiting for the holidays to pass is always a chore and waiting to hear about the house is making the waiting agonizing.

So, dear friends, treat me with kindness and kid gloves this time of year.  Enjoy your holidays and remember not all of us are festive.  Mainly stressed and anxious.  This all happened twenty nine years ago and it's as if it just happened.  Given the youth of my parents and my mother's alcoholism it was my grandmother who did most of the raising and it always angered my mother that I felt closer to her mother than to her.  Oh well.  Matters not now.  An orphan the storms I have only memories and not always pleasant ones.

No comment redux

I have received no comments from anyone regarding my Christmas situation and a potential hug from the unnamed chickenshit.  Oh, well, it was my chickenshit way of handling an uncomfortable situation when neither one of us enjoys confrontational events.  I am told by Hyphen that I suck at confrontation, harkening back to the days when I loved to engage in confrontational behaviors, say twenty years ago, gang aft agley.  But now confrontation is not a strong suit, although I am very good at sitting and stewing.  Hence a tendency to passive aggressive behavior. 

The painter last night gave me a good price and I told him painting would commence when I closed on the new house.  (Sending positive vibes...okay, don't yell).  Sending positive vibes to the universe, hoping that the earnest monies will soon be requested for the house.

I did joint a synagogue recently and plan on going to a show in the Detroit area in December.  Old Jews Telling Jokes.  Looking forward to going with Gastric or just by myself.  But with Gastric would be more fun.  A nice way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

So, I am prone to rambling right now.  So off to lunch I go. 

No comment

Yes, I have no comment.  This night is turning into a clusterfux.  First the service guy for the furnace came and told me I needed a new filter, but he didn't offer to replace for me.  What good is he?  Now I am waiting for the painter to get an estimate on, well, painting the condo and also the new house when that comes to fruition.  Hopefully that will be soon as this waiting is making me bat shit crazy.  As if I weren't already.  Holidays!  Wow!

Buying piecemeal for the new house.  I did order the coffee table as it was the last one in stock and I had a $70 credit to apply to it.  Also ordered the rug today and tonight someone is coming to look at the current rug and to see if he wants it.  The hassock is spoken for.  I am percolating but the bank is slow as molasses in, well, November.  I am tracking all the other items to make sure they are still In stock.  Overstock.com is a good site but they do run out of items.

Anxiety...that is my middle name right now.  Not sleeping well and just super anxious about the house.  Breathe, Hyphen says.  Right...breathe.

That's it for tonight.  Painter is here.

Catharsis

Yes, gentle reader, I am feeling much better since yesterday's commentary on family and outcomes.  I am still not sure what I am doing beyond a pecan pie for Gastric and her family on Thanksgiving.  My usual Hanukkah celebration is not feeling very festive but that is still over a month away.  I am anxious about getting the house and that is coloring my mental state.  The bank, Citi, is taking up to ninety days to get back to me and it is hurry up and wait and wait and wait,  at this point I don't know if I can be in by April but I am still hopeful.  I would love to have an answer from Citi before Thanksgiving.  That would be great but I am thinking it will be closer to the first of the year.  And what a great new year's gift that would be.

So today's stuff is a furnace tune up and a painting estimate.  Then about 7:00 I am able to stand down.  Lately I have been both anxious and very tired.   I could have slept longer this morning but was still up at 4:00 a.m.  Practiced with a purpose for about forty five minutes.

This day is a day.  Who knows what will come.  Mal even said good morning yesterday.  Wow!  I was unprepared for that.  I worked until 5:40 yesterday and she must have thought I had left at my usual time as she got very talkative and got loud around 4:30.  I wasn't going to say anything, just file it under noise complains and save for a rainy day when she get bitchy again.  One day she is al oat complacent about work and the next she hates it.  And I thought I was bipolar...

Time to get ready for work.  Mor later.

Family comes first

And if you don't have a family, like me, you make one.  I am my own cohort, but, like a Venn Diagram, I have various points of intersection.  At one point Jerry and I were family but he has been gone almost two years.  My family of the last year has seen fit to exclude me to some extent because of shifting relationships,  Gastric has been kind enough to include me with her family.  But, as I mentioned yesterday, Christmas plans, and it is sad to be to be alone on such a family day, are shot to shit.  That wouldn't be a problem save for the fact that plans had been made and now they have been unmade as I seemingly have been excluded from one made up family.  And that wouldn't be a problem except that the individual involved is apparently too frighten of me to be honest and tell me that their plans have changed and they no longer include me.  That they are making a new family and it includes me not.

I can put up with a great deal, but I don't deserve to be treated like an outlander when once I was part of that "family".  Don't be, as Hyphen opined during session yesterday, a chickenshit,  just be honest and tell me plans have changed,  I have time to make other plans but what has hurt has been their lack of honesty and consideration.  Gastric has opened her home to me but at this junction I had had plans to have people in for dinner and I don't know that their plans have changed and I am not going to renege on an invitation.  That's not how I work.  I have a commitment and I will honor that.  Should things change I can be part of an extended family with Gastric.

The dynamics of a relationship have changed but that person has been a chickenshit about being honest with me.  I can and am happy for them in a new relationship, but I don't deserve to be flung aside in light of that.  And please don't act as if nothing has changed.  They have changed...not I.  Maybe they are afraid I can't be happy for them.  I do worry but they are grown ups and entitled to their own life.  Who am I to judge?  But being slighted like I have been has hurt me to the quick and has caused me anxiety which is slowly morphing into anger.  I can't believe that person is so oblivious to everything else that they deign to treat me now as an afterthought.  Give me a hug, acknowledge the shifting paradigm, and don't be a chickenshit,

And that, good friends, is the catharsis I needed.  Bless you Hyphen and Pseudo-Hyphens for framing the issue and giving me the space to mourn losses.  And speaking of chickenshit, this was a pretty chickenshit way of handling this situation.  Ta-Da!

Gang aft agley

Or thus goes the best laid plans.  Early returns on the upcoming holiday season are not going too well.  Gastric is having me over for Thanksgiving and I must make a pecan pie.  Plans for Hanukkah and Christmas, not so much.  A planned post Hanukkah meal, a non traditional annual pasta celebration now looks as if it may not come off, leaving me bereft on Christmas Day, not my holiday but still a poor time to be alone.  Jerry, my late neighbor, but not so late then, and I always had a delightful holiday repast of prime rib and all the fixings.  That morphed in a pasta party, which was delightful, but now that may not come to fruition and right now I am not in a good place to even want it enough to plan.  I was up most of the night fretting over what I might do.  I can plan on a new home in my future and entertaining there and I will not rely on another to entertain with.  Gastric has her own family and I have none, basically, so after Hanukkah I will be cocooning for the winter months with the cats.  Maybe I will make a nice meal for me and the boys.  A nice shrimp cocktail for the boys.  Of a sudden I am feeling more lonely and tired as if I am at the end of a long journey to Me.  I treat friends the way I want to be treated and should that not be reciprocated that always leaves me depressed and wondering why I have even tried.  But my best may not be enough.  If you think you can buy friends, well, you get what you paid for.  When I hurt I hurt to my core and there is no better word than bereft.  Maybe my father was right.  You have lots of acquaintances but very few real friends.  And between the Soul Sucker, the wife of Urinal, and scattered bits and pieces this has not be a great year for acquaintances.  I guess I need to learn to take care of myself first.  How can I be happy when I am hurting?  And why do I let myself get so hurt by thoughtless people. 

This is a very hard time of year for me, as it is for many people, when it is all too apparent what we have lost.  Do I need a new house, well, yes, and it is also part of the journey.  As I listen to You Are My Sunshine and reminisce about the Aunties and our holidays I am indeed bereft.  I am truly hurting and yet don't feel like I can confront the source of the pain.  Maybe Hyphen and all the Pseudo-Hyphens will be able to offer some succor. 

Quiet day

Nice, quiet weekend.  Went to the symphony last night with Brody's Mom and had a lovely evening,  today is game day with friends and before that a lovely session of foot reflexology and probably a nap.  I am thinking of going to breakfast or making same here at home,

Not much happening but I wanted to say 'hi'.