Carpe Diem

Thus was a line in the Dead Poets Society, most notably a film with Robin Williams. I am sure it is a fine book as well. But I am here to praise Mr. Williams, a phenomenal talent whose candle was doomed to be without a flame all too soon. I had seen him In concert a few years ago with Gastric and neither of us could remember ever laughing so hard or for so long. He was a brilliant comic and actor. Bipolar. A shame. I've been to that precipice a number of times only to be pulled back by something stronger than myself. Too bad Williams had run out of that commodity. But the depths of despair that leads one to even consider suicide is so great that there isn't always that voice to call us back from the brink. I am heartened that the news outlets are using this as a teachable moment to remind us about help for mental illness that is available. But it is hard to see that help forest for the trees of depression. Unless you have been there then there is no use in explicating the depths it can reach. Hopeless without a friend in the world, no where to turn for help, no, you don't want help, you just want to exit stage left. I have had two serious suicide attempts in my life and numerous times I have thought that might be the only way out of the pain of depression. Depression is more than just feeling sad, and a snap out of it won't cut it. It's pathological, yet with no cause. It is debilitating and draining. To the point that the only way to ease the pain to to have an exit strategy. Most people can't understand the depths of despair it can attain. But to those of us who do, well, it still doesn't diminished the shock of his passing. So to all of my friends, those of us whose lives may be more than half over or then some, let us make the most of our time. Carpe Diem, indeed. And to my friends, and you know who you are, feel free to bend my ear, make me your conduit. I am here because I was there, too, once myself. And it is all over too soon and you'll never know what hit you. The world is not my home, I am just passing through...