Is one in which I am totally misunderstood. It starts where I make a vague comment and ends in a shouting match. This has happened in reality a few times, most notably when my dad misunderstood an action on my part (I "yanked" a plug to a radio out of the socket) an he proceeded to yell at me so out of proportion to my action that I had a meltdown and was weeping hysterically. While that actuality hasn't occurred too much of late I still have that nightmare. CHICKENSHIT ALERT: This seems to have been the case with Brody's Mom. While I was giving her space to deal with a relationship and her work issues, it was misunderstood as me not caring about her. And when it came to light that her mom is not doing well at all, it was assumed I didn't care enough to ask when the actuality was I had no real knowledge of her mother's state.
I guess each of us plays the victim in the situation whereas there really is no victim, just a misunderstanding of epic proportions. When my reaction to meeting her beau was to say I had plans for that evening, her understanding of situation was that I was being unreasonable and she would just not push the issue. The actuality was I DID have plans for the evening and she offered no alternative dates for a meeting. The perception was I didn't want to have a meeting. My reality was I had other plans and I perhaps should have said pick another date. Total misunderstanding.
When I had listened and supported Brody's Mom during her crises at work, of a sudden these discussions stopped. I am not a mind reader but I guess I maybe should have inquired about her work situation. Again, the perception was I didn't care; the reality was I was accustomed to her telling me about this and not having to guess things were still bad. I did email a few times indicating that there was an job opening that she coveted. My intent was to show concern. It was perceived as not caring.
Brody's Mom and I are good friends and I would hate to see this friendship disappear because of some misunderstandings and miscommunications. Perhaps a hug of forgiveness on both our parts is needed. My sense of the situation is that my actions were totally misunderstood. I was giving her space to deal with work and relationship issues. I did care. And not about the issue of it being a long distance relationship but rather that I felt she was rushing headlong into a situation. I gave space rather than acknowledging my sense of discomfort. My reaction to a lot of situations to to give the other person space and not to impose my sense of situation. And to be there regardless of the outcome. Brody's Mom's mom may not make it through the end of the year. My reaction was to give her the space to deal with that reality. Not to say something like "...but we had plans and you didn't follow through". My actual reaction was to say the hell with those plans and be your mom. Give space where it is needed. And if succor us needed, and I am not the most sentient of people, let me know
I am hoping Hyphen can read this or we can discuss at length at out last session of the year. I know both Brody's Mom and I feel like we are victims of apathy on the others part. I am not being apathetic, just giving latitude where I feel some space is needed.
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