It just keeps getting worse

I had a miserable day yesterday.  First and foremost, I missed Donna.  She came late to the party and I couldn't get out to feed her.  Second, I had a doctor appointment  replete with bad news  that has caused me some distress.  Because I take Abilify for the bipolar my blood sugars are running high.  I will say this in all honesty that my diet is pretty decent.  I don't eat candies, cakes or cookies on a regular basis.  The medication I take for one problem is basically creating another problem.  And, to be equally honest, I can deal with high sugars better than I can deal with being out of control mentally.  Although I have a call into the psychiatrist to see if I do have some options.  I have been walking over a mile a day, and it don't know where the hell I am.  No, seriously folks, I walk as much as I can handle, I eat a balanced diet.  OK, throw in the occasional pizza and a Coke.  But in general I eat lots of veggies and a low carb diet,  I have lost weight, not a lot, but it is a start. But the bottom line is I feel embarrassed that I am not in better "control" physically.  This feels like I am an out of control pinball waiting for the drain hole to come.

This comes on the heels of my rheumatologist wanting me to switch to an shot form of the  medication and quite frankly I am not prepared to take that leap.

Which leads me back to Hyphen...no we aren't going to live forever.  I am sixty now, well past mid life.  I'd like to have a few years to enjoy the fruits of my labors, relax and age gracefully.  I am not asking for a lot, just to slow the process of falling apart.  And I am falling apart.  Getting old is not for sissies.  I have been without a second kidney for over ten years and many of the problems I have now all impact that one kidney.   I figure the way my life has gone that I will reach a great breakthrough in therapy, get up to leave Hyphen's office and drop dead.  That's been the family history.  How else do you explain losing a beloved grandmother to a Montgomery Ward's truck during a funeral procession?   We are just fodder for a punch line.  "She figured it all out but before she could tell us she dropped dead".

Oh, Donna, sweet Donna of the muddy bill, what is the answer?  Oh, wait a minute.  She is ducking the question.  Why a duck?