Two weeks

Until the dreaded summer hiatus of Hyphen. But she'll only miss one week you say. Ha, I say, like that is supposed to matter. And did I mention that Patricia, AKA The Former Clovella, AKA The Viper (that one may stick), phoned on Saturday to say she missed me and that the her nephew's dog had passed away, to which I responded to the latter that sometimes that is for the best (The dog had oral cancer) to which she responded that doesn't matter to a child. Well, the child in this case is eighteen and about to go to college and not some five year old child who had never experienced a loss. My ennui said it all for me as she had awakened be from an afternoon nap and she promptly, but nonetheless sadly, bid me adieu. Thence, awakened as I was, I proceeded to put together the aquaponic fish farm and spent over two hours putting something together that was supposed to take forty-five minutes from start to finish. Made my hair sweat. Well, at least the Betta is still doing swimmingly. Maybe the plants will take root soon and my work will be rewarded. I am in the midst of the midsummer's night, or in this case, morning, funk. Some is due to the the depressing health news of the past week. I try to keep myself as healthy as possible but, in spite of my best efforts, my health, in general, seems to be on the decline. Weight is an issue but I am losing weight on purpose and walking about 1.5 miles a day, some days more, some days less. I seem to be on an awkward health treadmill that nothing I do has any positive impact. I did cut back my mood stabilizers, per the psychiatrist's suggestion, to lower my A1C for the next quarterly lab draw in October. Even mildly elevated as it was has done its best to plunge me into a depressed state. I am deemed in control but nothing could be farther from the truth. And all those years I spent in Cloud Cuckoo Land trying my best to exit is not being kind to me. I want to hold on to something but nothing is there. Even music, which in the past has been my religion, has left me. I finally played this morning, yet begged the mandolin teacher for another two weeks of grace before resuming lessons. Something else I suck at. Like being kind to myself. Oh, well. So now what? I just laid on the couch on Sunday and worried myself to sleep. I was up much of the night finally deciding to get up at 4 to play music. Thank goodness my neighbor doesn't mind. I just feel like, among other things, time is going by way too fast and nothing I do seems to put the brakes on. Control keeps popping up as an issue, as in, something I am not in possession of. Even the Donnettes deserted me today. Although I left them food under the magnolia tree, just in case. Maybe I should leave something under a tree for me. Just in case. Just in case.