Yiddish for Newbies

So, I could plotz!  What does this mean? I  am including a link to a Yiddish glossary.  Enjoy:

Yiddish for Newbies

I am plotzing about the house and all the good things, Kaynahorah.

Zen Judaism...

Mr. Popowitz is called as a witness in a trial.

"How old are you?" asks the D.A.

"I am, kaynahoreh, ninety-one."

"Excuse me? What did you say?"

"I said, I am, kaynahoreh, ninety-one years old."

"Sir, please just answer the question with no embellishments," yelled the frustrated D.A.. "I ask you again, How old are you!?"

"I told you. Kaynahoreh, I'm ninety-one."

The D.A. is very angry. The judge is also losing his patience. He instructs, "The witness will answer the question simply and plainly or be held in contempt of court!"

The defense lawyer rises and approached the bench. "Your Honor, I think I can resolve this. May I ask?"

"If you can get this trial moving, please, be my guest."

"Mr. Popowitz, let me ask, kaynahoroh, how old are you?"

Popowitz replies, "Ninety-one"

Happy New Year.

Touching lives

I have been listening to, again and again. the song I linked yesterday, Angels by Nanci Griffith.  And, of a sudden, I was thinking about Uncle Leo Levine and his second wife, Carol, who had an affinity for angels. Their house was filled with her paintings of the angels she envisioned.  And, equally of a sudden, I was thinking how easily our lives are touched by others, in seemingly small ways.  Both Uncle Leo and Carol are gone now, perhaps with the angels (yes, there are angels in Judaism) but the song brought back the last summer my dad was alive and we went to Milwaukee to visit them and had a swell time.  That is to say we got to go to a Milwaukee Brewers baseball game (they were playing the then National League Houston Astros and the Brewers lost).  That was in 2003.  Then the whole world fell apart.  I got sick, first with ulcerative colitis which lead to the discovery of renal cell carcinoma on my left kidney, and my dad being diagnosed with lung cancer.  By spring he was gone , as was my left kidney.  But we had that last summer in Milwaukee, in a crappy motor lodge with bad electricity which kept going out.  With Uncle Leo and Carol and her angels.  And, thus another link and wishes for a happy year to come.

Hard Times Come Again No More

Just Plotz!!!

I am so excited about the new abode I could just plotz!   PLOTZ I TELL YOU!!!

Went to Art Van's last night with Sophie and picked out all my new furniture.  $6,000 later I have a home, save for the kitchen.  Still it is fifty months same as cash so what is a few dollars a month?

I also consulted with my "interior designer" and ordered a rug today for the dining room and a rug  and a table lamp for the bedroom.  Took advantage of a coupon and ordered a patio set for the front (maybe the deck) porch.  I am still pondering another set for the porch (deck).  Why not have two?  Anyways...the next big deal will be the kitchen.  Appliances and remodel.  Refinish floors and paint.  This will all make the winter speed by I am hoping.  Closing is less than two weeks away.  Must touch bases with the insurance agents.

Normally spending money on this scale would depress me (and maybe it will later) but I am just manic high and in a gregarious mood.  Mandolin lesson tonight and I am ill prepared.  Oh well.  And dang!!! I get paid tomorrow.

Life is good...wait for the crash...ah, well, life is good now.

Malvolia

Only sniped once today and not to me so maybe the time off mellowed her a tad?  Oh, crap, who am I kidding.  I only made a few calls today.  Still waiting to hear about the house insurance.

Gastric and I are going to run my errands:  Picking up my new eye glasses, and then out to Art Van to shop for furniture.  Other than getting the house insurance all the paperwork is in.  I will call tomorrow about the insurance.  Two more days this week then a quiet four days off.  I will save as much of my vacation time for the house, moving and the like. 

Okay, I am going to endeavor not to deliberately antagonize Mal.  But she complains about my sneezing, the way I blow my nose, and my own gastric endeavors so it is difficult to tell when and where I antagonize the woman.

So, in the spirit of the season, a song that bears repeating.

Angels

Malvolio

Or really tis Malvolia, and she is out the rest of the week.  Her last coal fueled email to me read "Your CONSTANT phone calls are ANNOYING me".  Poor baby.  I was trying to arrange for insurance for the house, on which I close on two weeks from today.  So time is of the essence and her annoyance at my phone calls will just have to go to a higher authority who might or might not give a damn,  God, she is an Unpleasant woman and I am sure she received lots of coal for Christmas.  I really haven't met such an unhappy person, with the exception of the Soul Sucker, which would explain Why they got along so well.  Hypocrite that she is, the Soul Sucker would run down various people to me and then turn around and call then dear and darling and go to lunch with them.  For example, the woman, now retired, she referred to as "Frog Face" and called lazy and incompetent, she now enjoys retirees lunches with on a regular basis.  Mal and the Soul Sucker hated each other yet when Mal was about to become a grandmother was given a receiving blanket and onesie for the baby from the Soul Sucker.   Seems the only ones the Soul Sucker's  wrath could not forgive was Gastric/Sophie  and me.  And now that rift is so large it is irreparable.  Soul Sucker came in for two recent parties for people she didn't like at all but now likes enough to have a meal with them..  Soph and I stick close to each other on those days.

Speaking of Sophie.  She is out all this week, all three days, and today she is taking me furniture shopping and then I shall take her to dinner.  The condo lacks a dining room as well as bedroom furniture as I converted the bedroom to a music room.  Been sleeping on the couch or the new recliners for years.  Now I need a bedroom set.  I may still sleep on the couch or in a chair but at least I will have the option of sleeping in a bed.  Also, I'd like to get a new couch or sectional for the living room.  Art Van's is having a huge sale through today and I may see if they will hold the furniture for delivery in March.  Oh, excitement.  I have a few items like porch furniture to order from Amazon.  Oh, excitement.

Must now take my excitement to work and annoy as many people as possible.

Ah, my joy was short lived as she is indeed here and I am sure I will here her ill wind blowing later today.

Shit.

THE HOUSE

After sweating out the short sale of the house and getting  it, I find out last Tuesday tht closing is January 12th,  wow!!!  Now I am rushing to finishing the dealing with all the little details, like getting homeowner insurance and utilities.  Hopefully we can get the floors refinished first while waiting for th kitchen cabinets and countertops to be special ordered.  Pick out my appliances.  And basically attend to the details of the house.  I anticipate being in three by April 3rd for the first of that weekend celebrations, the 3rd of APRIL is Passover and the following Monday is opening day of baseball.  Then I think I will take that Tuesday off to enjoy the new house.

As for moving the cats.  My first idea ws to move them to the basement first ad then clear the condo out, now I think I will lock them in their room in the condo and transport them last.  Either way they will be stressed.  I may ask the vet for some kitty tranquilizers.

But basically I am very excited.  And in a tizzy.  Sophie will be off the next week but I shall see her and Ethel tomorrow for lunch and some errands,  Monday Soph is taking me to look at furniture for the new abode,  I need a dining set and a bedroom suite and I think a new sofa.  Fun, fun, fun.

So I spent today in a minor tizzy and headachy after yesterday's dinner party at my place, probably the last of the parties in the condo.   Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow petty pack but the ne t three weeks are just going to speed by.  I am also hoping my new glasses will be in Monday.  No Hyphen for two weeks,  I need to decide if I want to take Jerry with me or scatter his ashes before I move.  I need a few Hyphen session s to work that through.  And, NTW, Mal, who will be gone next week, complaining about my phone calls annoying her last week.  Bitch.  I wish she would just retire.  She is the most unhappy person I hVe ever met and I don't think I have heard one person say otherwise,

Alright,  time for the last cannoli of the year.

The Amazing Adventures of the Soul Sucker ( and her friend Patricia (a.k.a. The Viper))

It never ceased to amaze me that the Soul Sucker continued to exchange Christmas cards with my Ex, even though they had never known each other prior to knowing me.  And the Soul Sucker even tried to facilitate a rapprochement between the Ex and me just prior to last Christmas,  so it shouldn't have amazed me that she, that is the Soul Sucker, sent a Christmas card to Gastric's mother and sister, ere know Gastric (and me for that matter) are not on speaking terms.  What possesses the Soul Sucker to maintain relationships to the exclusion of me and Sophie with people we are/were closest to? She would have to know that Sophie's sister Ethel would tell Sophie she had received a card from said Soul Sucker.  I guess I don't understand maintaining secondary relationships when the primary relationship has ended.

And what possessed Patricia, with whom I haven't spoken to in months, to send Sophie, not a holiday card but a note saying something to the effect that she hoped Sophie was retired and that I wasn't missing her too much.  What the fux? I laughed my egg roll filled mouth off when Sophie told me this last night.  Why write to Sophie, when she had to know Soph would share this with me. Oh, maybe I do get it.  It is a sly way of staying in touch with a former colleague.  It annoyed me to no end, not so much that the Soul Sucker exchanged cards with the Ex but that she delighted in telling me about this and that the Ex still wanted to get together to be friends.  Why?  The Soul Sucker collects people it seems.  Patricia needed to reach out to someone who is in daily contact with me.

Which brings me to the new house.  I think.  I was going to slip a note under Patricia's door the day I move out, telling her I am moving (but not to where).  I don't want her calling me once I move.  It's bad enough that she used to check my outgoing mail.  Thus, I will have to do all my change of address cards away from the building.  Which is another reason to move.

So, on this the seventh day of Hanukkah, I ponder this.  Patricia...that I understand.  She is lonely, alone and I have deserted her.  The Soul Sucker deserted us and yet maintains relationships with people to whom she had only secondary attachments.  Why and what the fux?  And where the hell is Hyphen to not hear me whine about this?

Another (short) week.

I asked the cats how they would like it if I worked three days and and took four off and they nodded in mutual affirmation,   No Hyphen today, but I will have a lesson tonight.  I had great news on Friday,  the short sale of my "dream house" went through so now we start the process of a regular sale.  I am having an inspection tomorrow and will give a down payment.  So...things are progressing nicely.  Over break Sophie and I will hit a few furniture stores and get an idea of prices for a seven piece dining room set and a bedroom suite.  I have a few pieces picked out on Overstock.com but I'd like to see a few to see what options I have.  And then Soph and I can do a lunch or early supper.  Now that things are a go I will need to budget both money and time a little bit better.  I hope we can get a closing date soon and begin the remodel. I would like to be in by April and have the condo on the market by February or March.

I got up at 3:00 a.m.  Got all set for work,  practiced for about an hour, which is good as I haven't done so for a few days.  I was so tired last week I couldn't see straight in the morning. My new glasses won't be ready until after Christmas.  Maybe Friday and that would be nice. I would have a few days at home to get used to the new lenses.  Apparently there is a big change to the left eye and that was why I kept having to close that eye to see better.  When I am not so tired, like this morning, I do see better.  And I slept a great deal this weekend.  I will still need a few four day weekends to get up to speed.  Winter will be easier this year with the promise of a new home with a new kitchen and new places for the kitties to explore.

Okay. I have time for a nap before I leave for work.  TTFN.

The new glasses

Well, I did need new glasses and they ended up dilating my eyes so by the time I came home to finish cooking my Hanukkah dinner I couldn't see straight, so I winged it when it came to the veggies and latkes.  And, in my not so humble opinion, everything came out pretty good, but like any holiday party, I have a shitload of sweets left.  Rugelach, macaroons, pie, fudge and so on.  At work today I have my menorah lit and some sweets brought it.  It was a good party and I think all had a good time.  I can't wait until I get my new house and can really throw a bash.  My dining room set that I covet has six chairs and it would be nicer eating around a table than sitting around a small coffee table and chowing down.

My current union, APA which is affiliated with the NEA and MEA, has asked to to come on board as a new Area Rep.  And I said yes, after pondering the issue last night.  Why not?  Aunt Marilyn, who was the union president for her school and was also a member of the MEA and NEA, would support that move.

Not much more to report.  Had a lovely day off yesterday and will enough a few four day weekends in the near future.

Happy Hanukkah.

Another one of those night

Yepper, it was.  Had a miserable headache when I got home from work and ended up canceling my mandolin lesson last night.  Fell asleep in my chair and woke up fully alert a little after midnight and couldn't get back to sleep.  So I played the mandolin for about an hour.  Finally showered and dressed and fell back asleep around 3:00.  So rested I ain't.  I have tomorrow off for my Hanukkah party and a shitload of errands.  I need and have an eye exam at 3:20 and I suspect I will need new glasses as right now to see clearly when I am tired I have to shut one eye so I don't see double.  Like now.  Sophie is going to meet me at the optician's office and help me pick out new frames.  Two years and it is time for a change.

Tonight is the first night of Hanukkah and I will light the candles before I leave tonight to get a haircut.   Maybe a latke with dinner.  Lots of latkes tomorrow for the party.   I am having six people in for a chicken dinner, latkes and two veggies.  Francis is bringing a fruit salad.  Brody's Mom a nice challah bread.  Everyone else gets to bring themselves.  Going to have mulled cider for a beverage as well as coffee.  And Sophie is bringing g homemade rugelach and macaroons.  We might even play dreidel.  Cats will probably hide out in the bedroom.  I will save the. Some chicken.  I am making a chicken and garlic braised chicken, something I can do in the slow cooker.  Soph is taking me shopping tonight for the last of the ingredients for the supper.  Then a haircut and a little nosh.

I think I have some time on my hands before work so I should practice that Bach Bouree I have been have problems with.

Argh! Back to work

Yo, long day yesterday.  Went with a group from my synagogue, KI, to West Bloomfield to eat deli (very good) and see the show...Old Jews Telling Jokes (very funny).  I would grab Sophie's knee for every punch line I knew was coming and by the end of the show she couldn't walk.  God, they were funny.  Our group was good and the folks we drove Down With were fun.  Toba and Stan are a fun couple and Stan and I plan to get together to play music sometime as he is also a guitar player.  They may want me to be available Mondays for community sing.  And why not.?  I can always change my mandolin lesson night, although pulling myself together after therapy to play guitar at a community sing might be asking a lot.  But...why not???

Off to work (argh!)....more to more.

One of the many joys of insomnia

Infomercials!  I swear there is nothing on TV late nights on Saturdays and Sundays.  Infomercials provide the bulk of my entertainment.  That and  cooking shows.  But last night I had a genuine trip down memory lane with a commercial for the Best of the Carol Burnett Show.  I was a big fan when I was growing up and would be on my best behavior Monday nights so I could stay up late and watch her show.  Grandma Dorothy and I would sit in the library and laugh our collective asses off.  But then the magic happened...Tim Conway was added as a regular. Carol was a brilliant comedienne but it was Conway who put the twinkle in my eye.  Every week it was a waiting game to see when he would ad lib some schtick that would absolutely break Harvey Korman up.  The classic of then all, relived this morning, was Conway as the dentist and Korman as his patient.   You know the one I am referencing.   I think that bit went on for twenty minutes, but in reality is was less then a ten minute bit, available on You Tube as Conway added layer upon layer of comedic business and Korman turning various shades of red as he tried to stifle his laughter.  I think the kicker ws when Conway accidentally injected Novocaine into his hand and while reading a textbook laying on Korman's chest, used the numbed hand to kill a fly.

I was so enthralled I almost plopped down the $100 for twenty five classic episodes.  But then I remembered somewhere in the deep dark recesses of my mind that they were going to release the whole of the shows from her variety show.  God knows how much that would run but better that than missing one of Conway's bits.

In addition to Conway, I did have a warm spot for Ms. Burnett.  Often wishing that she were my real mother and that the rest of my family had perished in a fiery explosion.  She is a great comedienne, who did a nice turn on a Law and Order SVU episode a few years ago.  But her dramatic turns weren't as impressive to me a were her turns as Scarlett O'Hara, wearing a curtain for a dress, replete with curtain rod.  Or the various skits that were take offs on Sunset Boulevard.  Yep.


Here's the link now: Tim Conway Dentist

So, that's what I get for not sleeping last night.

The re-naming

Alright, folks, y'all that follow me and this blog, pay attention;  the names have changed to protect the innocent.

Gastric is now Sophie Handelman. And the Sherpa is Danielle Handelman .  The Evil Nutella is now Ethel Nusbaum,  JB has morphed into Frances Greenbaum.  LAD is now Leah Tabaschnik.  The Kimster, who didn't even know I was writing about her, is Effie Kleinman.  And so on.  Sophie's mom is Phyllis Horowitz.  Again. And so,on.  Hyphen will still be Hyphen

I now have lots of Jewish friends.  Sophie and I are going to a show tomorrow with member of my synagogue, Kehillat Israel.  And I am fluctuating as to how to introduce Sophie as that or Gastric.  She will truly be Gastric after lunch at on great deli, the Stage.  Me, too.  Love the food but it doesn't love me.  I think I will have a pastrami on rye.  I have informed Soph that there is no such thing as mayo in our brave new world.  Tomorrow the weather promised to be lovely for a long ride.  It should be fun.  And by the by, my real name is Soshana, which means Lily. Which I am about to gild.

Over and out

It's official

I am dead tired and taking Friday off.  It was a easy decision as I had to do two Five Hour Energy Shots before 8 a.m. just to stay alert enough to help with today's holiday social at work.     I will go home and take a nap, have a lovely dinner of Chinese food and go back to sleep.  Tomorrow, rested, I will be able to see well enough to play the mandolin and to read and follow the music.  Then maybe another nap, then go to the bank and then go to Kroger's.  Then take another nap and call it a day.  I want to be well rested for Sunday's trip to West Bloomfield for deli and a show.  Monday I will most likely be tired again and be in need of rest but at least I will not have to deal with Hyphen.  I am also debating taking the last two Mondays off from lessons of the year just so I can have some time to myself for the holidays. On the 17th I am taking the day off to make a Hanukkah dinner for friends and to get my eyes examined and to get new glasses.  Then two short weeks leading to the end of the year.  And then no paid holidays until Memorial Day.  Oh well, eight days off out of eleven is a lovely break.

And so I go and so it goes and pop goes the weasel...

Je suis fatigue

God, am I tired.  I tried to practice but I was seeing double and that is my for sure sign of my tiredness.  Today is our holiday social at work and I can only hope I can make it to 3:00.  I just took a Five Hour Energy Drink.  It hasn't help.

We went to a very nice holiday dinner last night.  Almost a three hour feasting.  Food was great, company was better.   Too much food and if I had was a drinker I would have floated out of there on a cloud of wine.  I resisted.

Today before the social I will go and pick up sandwiches for Sophie and the Captain's Friend.  I better wake up soon or I am in deep doo doo.

If I could see I would keep writing.  Maybe later.


Later...I am more awake.  Mal is busy CONSTANTLY CLEARING HER DRUG ADDLED THROAT.  My iPod is charging so I can't block the noise out yet.  Sophie's sister, Ethel Nussman, formerly Nutella, is about today with Sophie's car, although it will be Soph's son who will be picking us up at work.  Which is a good thing as he can carry up a heavy box for me when we get home.

So I am waking up and was thinking about taking tomorrow off but I did promise to do a Jimmy John's order for the crew.  Maybe we can just leave early.

Green Tuna envy

Ya know I have been reading my friend's blog, Green Tuna, and I have Green Tuna Envy.  I believe this is a true medical condition.  I post self imploding stuff of minimalism.  Green Tuna has beliefs other than mine (which is to take another pill...yes, The Soul Sucker was right.  I only see my shrink to get drugs...what the hell is wrong with that?).  Green writes about things I only ponder in the deep dark recesses of my mind.  Peace and justice.  The meaning of life.  What is the meaning of my life?  To take a other pill and to hang with  Mrs. Handelman.

So, in an effort to emulate Green Tuna, I tell you today I am all fuxed up.  Still waiting to hear about my house. Upset with some friends, and having Holidays Blues.  Yes, my cube at work is decorated but my heart is heavy.  Oh, this might be worthy of Green Tuna. Why heavy, you ask?  Two yahrzeits in December and generalized depression caused by this time of year. Being Jewish is difficult during the Christmas holiday.  I always feel like I am the only one on the planet not in a festive mood.  I feel like  an outsider. Oh, sure, growing up we use to drive around and look at the pretty Christmas lights, but the actual day was filled with Chinese food and some idiot rat bastard cousin thinking it was funny to dress as Santa for his two daughters.

So, a la Tuna, what do I want for Hanukkah?  Nothing material.  Just to have my friends around me for another year.  At least.  Gastric, Mrs. Handelman, Brody's Mom, JB, LAD, the Kimster, the MP,  Captain Morgan's friend, et cetera.  Other than that, what is there to want?  Material things can be replaced.  Life can't be.

My dear friend Sophie Handelman

We are going to see a show at the Jewish Community Center in West Bloomfield on Sunday called Old Jews telling Old Jokes.  My buddy Sophie Handelman is going with me. I have know Soph (I call her Soph) for years.  She is my oldest and dearest friend.  More so than Gastric you ask.  Mayhap.  Or perhaps, oh no, I can't even verbalized it.  Prior to the show we are going to the Stage Deli for a heavy lunch and Soph is under the instructions to not ask for mayo for her sandwich.  That might be the giveaway that there is some Gastric in Soph.  But I am not saying...

Tonight Gastric and JB will be my guests for dinner at the Kellogg Center for their Dickens Holiday Dinner.  Now next Wednesday is the second night of Hanukkah and I am having several people over to share food and comraderie, as well as some Hanukkah gifts from Hanukkah Harry.  For Christmas I am having people over for an Italianate supper.  Even if that is not my holiday I don't like being alone.  Jerry and I used to share a rib roast but he has been gone almost two years.  Last year I started a new tradition of Italian dinner with friends on Christmas. 

But back to Soph.  She is always there for me...all my hopes, fears, dreams and desires are but a question away with Mrs. Handelman.  She is my secret best friend.  Especially now.  Well, there is Hyphen but she is a professional and not like Mrs. Handelman, who might best be described as Pseudo-Hyphen.

Last night I wanted nothing more than to take some Valiums and just blank out for the night.  Which I actually did.  I am afraid that I upset Hyphen with some ill themed emails but I hope I have rectified the situation this morning. 

So on to a big day and night.

One of my favorite nightmares

Is one in which I am totally misunderstood.  It starts where I make a vague comment and ends in a shouting match.  This has happened in reality a few times, most notably when my dad misunderstood an action on my part (I "yanked" a plug to a radio out of the socket) an he proceeded to yell at me so out of proportion to my action that I had a meltdown and was weeping hysterically.  While that actuality hasn't occurred too much of late I still have that nightmare.  CHICKENSHIT ALERT: This seems to have been the case with Brody's Mom.  While I was giving her space to deal with a relationship and her work issues, it was misunderstood as me not caring about her.  And when it came to light that her mom is not doing well at all, it was assumed I didn't care enough to ask when the actuality was I had no real knowledge of her mother's state. 

I guess each of us plays the victim in the situation whereas there really is no victim, just a misunderstanding of epic proportions.  When my reaction to meeting her beau was to say I had plans for that evening, her understanding of situation was that I was being unreasonable and she would just not push the issue.  The actuality was I DID have plans for the evening and she offered no alternative dates for a meeting.  The perception was I didn't want to have a meeting.  My reality was I had other plans and I perhaps should have said pick another date.  Total misunderstanding. 

When I had listened and supported Brody's Mom during her crises at work, of a sudden these discussions stopped.  I am not a mind reader but I guess I maybe should have inquired about her work situation.  Again, the perception was I didn't care; the reality was I was accustomed to her telling me about this and not having to guess things were still bad.  I did email a few times indicating that there was an job opening that she coveted.  My intent was to show concern.  It was perceived as not caring. 

Brody's Mom and I are good friends and I would hate to see this friendship disappear because of some misunderstandings and miscommunications.  Perhaps a hug of forgiveness on both our parts is needed.  My sense of the situation is that my actions were totally misunderstood.  I was giving her space to deal with work and relationship issues.  I did care.  And not about the issue of it being a long distance relationship but rather that I felt she was rushing headlong into a situation.  I gave space rather than acknowledging my sense of discomfort.  My reaction to a lot of situations to to give the other person space and not to impose my sense of situation.  And to be there regardless of the outcome.  Brody's Mom's mom may not make it through the end of the year.  My reaction was to give her the space to deal with that reality.  Not to say something like "...but we had plans and you didn't follow through".  My actual reaction was to say the hell with those plans and be your mom.  Give space where it is needed.  And if succor us needed, and I am not the most sentient of people, let me know   

I am hoping Hyphen can read this or we can discuss at length at out last session of the year.  I know both Brody's Mom and I feel like we are victims of apathy on the others part.  I am not being apathetic, just giving latitude where I feel some space is needed. 

All I require

All I require from a friendship is a that person be forthright with me.  Being superficial to avoid conflict is no way to enhance and maintain a relationship.  Gastric and I have that agreement and I really thought Brody's Mom and I shared the same feelings.  Perhaps I am a daunting figure.  But I have always said saying No is an acceptable form of communication.  Oh, well, wusses be wussy.

My Hanukkah decorations are falling down:  a sign from above or a poor job of taping.  I suspect the latter.  I don't know what the deal is with some people.  Maybe if I were more forthright myself I could get some answers.  What do I really want to know?  That is something to ponder and perhaps discuss at dinner on Wednesday.

Re-taped the decorations.  I have a lovely Northrup Pine tree in the area and I was going to make it a Hanukkah bush but common sense took over and I decorated the rubber chicken as what can say Hanukkah better that lights on a rubber chicken.

Back to the salt mine.

No sleep

Up at midnight unable to sleep any more.  Did my morning rituals.  Then went shopping for the new house.  My current music room is virtually exploding with stuff for the new house.  Finally fell back to sleep around 3:30 and got up for good at 4:00.  Practiced a little as I have a lesson tonight.  So, what did I buy...a scanner for organizing my documents, and a nice oak writing desk to put it on with the laptop and that will go in the new music room.  Gastric is going to run me around to some furniture stores so I can look at dining rooms sets, bedroom sets nd a new sofa.  I still will probably order on.i e most of the stuff but I want w better idea of what speaks to me.

Wednesday is the Dickens Dinner, a veritable feats for th tummy, eyes and ears,  Brody's Mom is going with Gastric and me.  And then the following Wednesday is my Hanukkah. Party.  Christmas Day I am having friends in for an Italian supper.  Same group as last year except no Brody's Mom.  One of my friends who is coming is bringing her daughter and and the daughter's boyfriend.  He plys guitar so I am looking forward to playing with him.   So from disaster to delight it should,be a better day thn I originally hd planned.

Anywho, I love my new chairs but definitely will stick with leather chairs ere k ow the cats scratch it up.  They put holes in the fabric chair.  Six of one, half dozen of the other.  It are a crap shoot.

Okey dokey Smokey.  I is off.

Sunday

Of late I have been very lonely.  I think Gastic and I speak two to three times a night but I still need more contact.  This time of year, especially waiting to hear about the house, is very draining.  I have my grandmother's yahrzeit yet this month,  trying to stay up and not having a lot of success.  Having friends over for the second night of Hanukkah.  I guess I am looking forward to that.  Basically looking forward to the first of the year and hearing in the affirmative about my house.  Kinda been dealing with a headache all day.  I ws going to go to breakfast this morning but couldn't muster the desire to go out.  Next Sunday Gastric and I are going to a show In West Bloomfield and prior to the show a lunch of actual deli.  Looking forward to that but not the drive there and back.  Of course if I die I will have nothing. More to worry about.  I will just straw about taking the freeway and having a stranger driving.  And passing Gastric off as Jewish.  My shabboth goy, as it were,  I think for that event we will call her Sophie.  Sophie what, though, that is the question,

I have Hyohen tomorrow and a long day Tuesday,  this week is the staff social.  And so it goes.

One year ago

Ale-ha-Ha-shalom Aunt Martha.  Passed a year ago today.  And, in part, sitting Shiva at work, such as it was, was the set piece for the demise of a friendship of almost thirty years, all for the priorities of the Soulsucker.  Today is a day  of remembrance for Martha and relationships.

Seems I have lost a few relationships in the past five years.  Some, like Patricia and Aaron, I had to end as they were literally taking my lifeblood and draining me dry.  Some, like the Soulsucker, was meant to be.  There were too many things wrong with that relationship that I tolerated for years; the racism especially, that was anathema to me but I endured for the sake of harmony at work and Gastric's friendship at the time with the Soulsucker, which has also since ended.  And while the Soulsucker thinks our relationship can never be repaired she is hopeful, at least to her in-laws, that she and Gastric can work things out.  Not so much, says Gastric; irreparable.  Some, like the Urinal's spouse, was lost due to the machinations of the Urinal himself.  I was unfriended on Facebook and took that as a not so subtle hint.  But Gastric and me, we are "just because" buddies.  Growing closer by the day.  Another relationship is on the brink but we are ignoring the brinkmanship signs and pretending that things are alright.

But...I digress.  A year ago...how fast the time has flown.  I have a bad mental habit of imagining people dead in the coffins, decomposing faster than Mozart could erase.  I have physical photos and mental images, both hard to shake.

I suspect Mal is here but I haven't heard her clear her throat for the first time yet today, a process that goes on and on to the point of delirium.  Most get to work so I can't be accused of being a Malcontent..

Long day turned short

I did end up leaving work a little less then  the. planned ten hour day.  Two chairs were FedEx'd to the front porch and fortunately Gstrics's son was able to carry then upstairs.  He will put them together later this week, taking one of the old chairs with him.  The other old chair will go to my housekeeper. Thus I will have two new chairs.  Ready to be moved to the new house, which I am still hoping to be in by spring 2015.  So that is my story and I am sticking to it.

Gastric is taking me a-Krogering today and then we will pick up dinner before going to a concert tonight.  Mannheim Steamroller.  How festive.  I have yet to hear from Brody's Mom about whether she will join us for dinner.

I am also thinking about my Trust.  I may change the trustee to a younger person, maybe making Gastric and the Sherpa co trustees with the Sherpa taking over the ultimate duties when she is a little older.  Just thinking,  I hate to be changing trustees every few years and having the Sherpa as the trustee makes a great deal of sense.

So that is about where I am at. Unsure of the future, as forever.  Also, on a totally different matter, the fish tank is clearing up since I discovered the body of the decomposing fish.  Too much death.  Tomorrow will be the one year Yahrzeit of my aunt Martha,  still not time to remove her death notice from my inbox.  I'll light a candle tonight.

Okay. Work calls.

Lesson and practice

Had a nice lesson last night.  And actually practiced longer this morning, basically because I am having problems playing a Bouree by Bach.  Need to take it slower and play more deliberately.  Trying out a new pick and I like it but it is taking some getting used to.  I get better sound out of it but it is thicker and well takes some getting used to.  Have a nice long day at work today.  Over ten hours.  Should get me caught up from the day off I had to take last week.

Still haven't heard from Brody's Mom about the concert on Wednesday  and if she wants to do dinner first. Love struck the poor girl is and being a little, shall I say neglectful, of some social responsibilities.  Ten days ago she said she'd be available for the concert, for which I have all three tickets.  Doing dinner is an option Gastric and I plan on doing.  She gets back to work tomorrow with an overflowing mail box full of received and bounced emails.  So I have done all I can do to get in touch with her.  Can I say I am disappointed in the ways in which she has treated me in the last few weeks, not even as an afterthought.  It's like high school all over again.  I am a good friend and I really deserve to be treated better and with more honesty than she has shown of late.  And I understand being in love, lust or like whatever, but that doesn't mean you neglect your friends who had been like family to you until recently.  I alluded to this a few weeks ago.  I never seem to know if people are afraid of me or of hurting me but this slight has hurt me far more than the lack of honesty.  For example, we spent a whole evening together at dinner and a symphony and she might have mentioned that she was thinking of spending Christmas with the love interest.  Instead she made an announcement at a monthly card game the very next day and that was the first I had heard of it.  I deserve better than that. Yes I do.

So, rather than calling or sending another email I am blogging.  Chickenshit on my part; I could be more direct.  But she seems so out of touch.  But this is really chickenshit...if this keeps up I can find others to go to concerts with and be treated less as an afterthought than this.

Longer weekend than anticipated

I had a five day weekend due to the furnace malady on Wednesday.  Today I went out to breakfast with friends and rely couldn't eat what I ordered.  I had the mother of all hot flashes at breakfast and was too nauseated to eat.  Got home and dealt with a Sunday headache.  Gonif cat christened th new rug with Greenies up but it cleaned up well and I am not mad at him.  Gave him some chopped turkey, which is what he really wanted in the first place.  Now we are all back in our relaxing positions and I am plotted dinner,  I believe chicken Marsala    Do not want to face work tomorrow and therapy and a lesson.  I bought new mandolin picks which I like but they are taking getting some used to.  So I am just chilling until dinner and may break down and read.  Haven't had the concentration necessary for reading due to this running joke of a headache.  Took a nice hot shower and some Valium and not I am trying to relax.  So I will watch football and co time to plan dinner.  I heard about the new house.  All the paperwork is In and that went to the negotiator,  I hope to hear in December in the affirmative about a closing date.  Then the real work begins on the house.  I was a little spooked yesterday and someone with access to the building shoved a fortune cookie fortune under my door and thst has made me more determined to vacate these premises.  We lost one fish Friday and that was sad.  I think I will give up th fish tanks when I move.  I will have a fountain instead.  My new chairs will be delivered this week.  Things are moving forward on the house.

So that's about it

Thanksgiving with Gastric et al

Had a nice Thanksgiving with Gastric and her family.  Mr. Gonif Cat has been enjoying  bounty of dark turkey meat.  But Yankel here says it all about the holiday.  He is sacked out, like I was most of the day.  About to delve into the kitchen to fix a dinner of flank steak, mashed potatoes and broccoli.  Somcha and Gonif are in the music room sleeping together,  Gonif has mawed down enough dark meat turkey to have tryptophan overload.  But truly Yankel says it all.  A quiet day at home, two more days off and the holiday season off to a rousing start.

What a day

Woke up at 4:00 a.m. and showered and dressed before I realized it was really cold in the condo.  The furnace was on the blink.  Got someone out by 5:30 a.m. and it was repaired by 6:00.  A.m. That is.  So I hd the day off from work and fussed about.  Went to Krogers and shopped, taught a guitar lesson, got a haircut and made a lovely dinner.  Gastric had a great day as she leased the car she was test driving and now her whole family will be at Thanksgiving, including the adopted Good Me.  Kinda dreading it as I don't know the family dynamics and how everyone will react to me as the interloper.  Gastric is a great cook so dinner and dessert should be lovely.  I'm hoping to get some real sleep tonight and not have to deal with house problems.  An unexpected day off and it actually turned into a good day.  And that is the truth.

I'm so tired

I am glad this is short week and I can rest for a few days before all the holiday festivities break loose. We are going to some concerts, a holiday dinner out.  My own Hanukkah party, the trip to the Detroit area to have deli and enjoy a show.  I am still debating taking off time at the holidays between Christmas and New Year but I don't know what I would do.  Be bored, nap, be bored.  I just don't know.   No Hyphen during the holidays, like she has a right to a life.  Working sometimes makes the time pass faster.  So I just don't k ow.

Meeting with Gastric and Dan today to discuss her car situation.  The. I am going to medicate, make breakfast for dinner and crap out.  Big day tomorrow with a hit cut and maybe teach a lesson. .  I don't know.  Four days off nd no plans.  I have lots to rad and should relax by doing that and watching football.    Hang with the cats.  And practice the mandolin.  That sounds like a plan.  Right now I am tired, tired, tired.

So off to work I go...

Opera

Cosi go fan tutti was a hoot.  Great production and very enjoyable.  Prior to the show Gastric and I met with my financial man Dan to get the ball rolling on getting Gastric a car.  Things seems to go well.  Dinner was running a little late and I was anxious about that but all in all it was a great evening.

Right now, however, I have been miserable with allergies all day.  Sneezing, itching and sleeping off antihistamines,  eyes watering and the Benadryl has been making me emotionally depressed.  Some of that is the residue of doing nothing all day.  Didn't eat all day and in about two hours dinner will arrive in the form of Chinese food.  But more than anything I itch like hell.

On December 14th Gastric and I are going to Detroit for a show and deli food with my synagogue group.  I am going to pass her off as Jewish.  She is actually Irish but claims to be a member of the lost tribes   I heard from my group today and we will be going to the Stage Deli.  I haven't had good deli in a month of Sundays and then some.

Monday is Hyphen.  I have an agenda.  Hopefully I can sit still without scratching my skin off.   Sounds like it is time for another Benadryl.

Later

Make things right

I have this overwhelming need to make things right, not only for me but for the world.  I don't watch the news as this only brings sad tidings and I want to make things better.  And don't get me started on the Humane Society and ASPCA commercials.  I want to kiss every boo boo and make it better.  A compulsion.  Something to discuss with Hyphen.  I am saddened when I can't help.  I go overboard buying gifts for friends for birthdays and holidays as that is the kind of woman I am.  I mention this because I want to make everything right.  And when I can't, I get hurt.  I get hurt a lot it seems. I would trade places with Gastric if I could and take her pain from her accident.  Poor Gastric is so bruised.  I worry.  Dan the Man is coming tomorrow to discuss finances with Gastric.  Then dinner and off to the opera.  Maybe that will help take some of the sting out of Gastric's present situation.  I can only hope.  I want to make her better.

The Authority Czarina and the Grim Reaper

I just received a CNN news announcement in my email that Mike Nichols, of Nichols and May, and also a consummate film director, passed away this morning.  And, like the good Authority Czarina that I am I checked his online national authority record to see if I needed to close the dates.  Well, he was a unique man and make no mistake about it he had no dates attached to his name.  I suspect tomorrow morning when the changes are made and updated, I will export a newer authority record with information regarding his passing.  He was 83, a nice age to be, a great artist, and one of my early comedic icons, he and Elaine May.  Funny, funny, funny.  He went on to direct Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, among many others.  What a classic that film is.  But such is the nature of my job, my training and my inclinations that I immediately checked his authority record for more information.  Not soon after the Grim Reaper reaps, I write.  And that is all she wrote.  Always makes me mindful of death and how fragile life itself is.  Death, always seems to be close to the surface of my thoughts, especially now and then and then Hyphen reminds me how little time we really have.  And that is true.  Live today for tomorrow we die, and tomorrow and tomorrow, creeping at its not so petty pace...death and holidays.  I can't wait for the new year.

Plans

Going to the opera this weekend, Cosi Fan Tutti.  Brody's Mom was to have accompanied us but her new sweetie will be in town so she finked out on us.  So it is Gastric, the Sherpa and the Evil Nutella who will experience the joys of opera for the first time.  The opera is comedic and what could be wrong with Mozart?  Dinner beforehand.  As far as Gastric's automotive problems they continue with a loaner.  I suspect they will total her car out.  Dan, my Financial Man, has offered to help her figure out her options financially and automotively.  Hopefully "we" can get together soon and she can discuss her options.  Dan has loads of connections and hopefully Gastric is not reduced to going to Paradise Lost Motors.

I need to watch my spending.  I think I am done with holidays and what I can pre-purchase for the new abode.   Should be able to pay off the bulk of the early spending this coming December.  The music room looks a wreck.

I do believe this weekend I should clean my aquariums.  It looks like something may have died in in one but hasn't floated to the top as of yet.  Maybe the lone shrimp has passed. I will vacuum the gravel and wipe down the walls.  And look for the deceased.  In any event it needs a partial water change.  I know not if the fish will follow me but if they don't my fish guy will take good care of them.  He has volunteered to adopt them.  Good guy that he is.

Tonight I suspect I will chill, but not literally.  This is the first night this week I don't have anything going after work.  The only night.  Safe at home, cook a nice dinner and relax.

And so it goes.

Oops

Changing plans again, mayhap.  Poor Gastric had an accident yesterday with her "ve-Hic-cle" possibly totaling it out.  She is off work for a few days to recuperate but she is basically fine, however sore.  If they total her car out I hope she can find resources to purchase from a more reputable place than Paradise Motors, as in Paradise Lost Motors.  I am hoping she can realize her dream of getting a newer car.  And I hope she can get a rental until she finds a better car.  Her whole family depends on her. Literally!  As do I, to a certain extent.  This could really impact Thanksgiving plans for her whole family.  Hopefully it will not come to that.  I wish I could be of more help.  Maybe I can...But this just goes to show that terrible things can happen around the most "festive" time of the year.  Hopefully this is the only bad thing and the rest of the year will go smoothly for everyone.  That said, I hope no one is struck by misfortune.  This isn't about me, but it might as well be as terrible things always happen around this time of year; take my dear grandmother's departure for instance.  And, no, I shan't be rehashing that Christmas cautionary tale.  Just be on guard.

Tonight, weather permitting, and that is an iffy thing this time of year (until April probably), JB and I are going to an MSU women's basketball game.  Beforehand she is taking me shopping so I can load up on goodies prior to the holiday.  Gonif the Cat needs turkey.  I made the mistake last week of cooking him a turkey breast and adding gravy, which I thought he would like.  WRONG!  He wouldn't touch it.  This week without gravy.  Yankel had his nails trimmed last night for the holidays.  See, he has thumbs, a six toed kitty with extra nails that can grow into his pads should they not be tended to.  He saw the vet and started hissing.  She got him in the bathroom and clip, clip, clip, he was done.  Easiest time she has ever had with him.  Simcha was unimpressed and would not go near the vet.  So that is the cat report up to the minute.

We in Technical Services have a meeting today from 10-11.  I have no idea of what about.  I think they will announce a number of retirements and plans not to fill those positions.  I am secretly hoping Mal will be amongst the recent spate of retirees.  To mark the end of the meeting I am ordering in sandwiches for a crew.

And that, dear children, is the day up to the minute.

On third thought

With the impeding holiday, i.e., Thanksgiving, I decided to take a week's break from mandolin lessons.  He loaded me up with two weeks worth of work and I am enjoying practice more than ever.  The problem with lesson on Monday nights is that they come on the heels of therapy and I usually am tired and headachy the rest of the day.  The get in a nap usually but an somewhat out of it during the lesson, especially when he is trying to show me picking: down up down, up, down, up, down down up and so forth.  I have a better handle on it this morning, 2:30 a.m. Up practicing.  I feel a little more confident.

Not much of interest.  Therapy yesterday was odd...death, dying. Shame and guilt.  Freud would have been proud.  Tonight, unbeknownst to him, Yankel is seeing the vet to get his nails trimmed.  It will be a long day at work, ten hours, and then the vet.  I need some more sleep.  It's snowing and lots of snow is promised along with very cold weather.

I think I will take a little nap out of petty sleep.  I am so tired I can't see straight.

On second thought

Thanksgiving is coming in less than two weeks,  the penultimate holiday of the year.  I am to go to Gastric's abode and be with her family.  It is a lonely time for us orphans of life.  My original plans shot to shit, same for Christmas and before that we shall see how Hanukkah shakes down.  I have a small get together planned for the 17th of December,  latkes and Apple sauce.  Maybe make a brisket and have an actual meal.  That will be my last hurrah for the season as I think I am going to keep to myself the rest of the year.  I was thinking of taking some time off but I don't know what I would do with myself.  We get four days off for each holiday.  So save my vacation time for when I can move hopefully in the spring.

Alright. My pithy pity party with the prancing purple pigmy ponies continues in private.

Nothing

Did mostly nothing this past weekend but be annoyed by allergies, which Yankel the cat and I shared.  Both of us took a Benadryl.  He is now sacked out on the couch, thusly.  I am preparing dinner and the largest feat of them all, which is actually getting some sleep on a Sunday night.

Here is my big boy all sacked out.

Our new cat trees

Here is the latest addition to the Chateau Levy to be moved soon.  Yonder lay Simcha in the top bunk in full repose.  The cat perch to the left had to be added as there were too many pissing matches over who got to lay on top.  This way all three of them can have a perch or a tube.  Lots of sisal for scratching purposes.   This is pure kitten heaven.

Friday surprise

Well, here it is Friday,  my music room looks akin to the beaches of Normandy and all is amiss in my world.  I am surprising Gastric with lunch today so dearie, if you are looking for a clue, eh, not so much here.

Another weekend approacheth and I am still unsettled as to where my future be.  Sometimes I just think it is so easy to just give up and sometimes I am a fighter.  Right now, I am tired of waiting and thinking I will slash my wrist if I don't get the perfect house for me and the boys.  I think I have finally accepted that I need to move and I hope and pray it is to my new venue that I am waiting on.  There is so much potential at this home,  I would get the kitchen of my dreams and not of someone else's dream.  I want to have my imprimatur on this home.  And that included a complete kitchen tear out,  re-finishing the floors, painting.  New furniture...my home.  I need to keep up. Dan the man says at least I have made the first big decision, that is to move.  Now I must get THE place.  And I have it, it is just taking so long to get a closing date or even to put a down payment in place.  Short sales are not easy.  On anyone, especially me and the realtor.  And everyone around me, like Hyphen and Gastric.  I will be devastated if I don't get this one home.  Embarrassed and devastated.  I never should have told a soul I was thinking of moving.  And if I do not end of getting this one house I feel like I will have egg on my face.  I suppose there are worse things.  But nothing like this has been on my radar before. I can remember when I looked at this condo and put a down payment on it the same day I saw it. I don't know why this is so hard.

Alright, maybe if I stop fixating on this I can relax some.  Ah, who am I kidding.  I am like a pit bull where worry is concerned,  I worry worry to death.  Alright, I won't slash my wrists.  But it is going to be a long ass winter.  Hopefully I get an early Hanukkah present of a new old house,  I can...

Story of my recent life

Sleep...


Between worry, anxiety  and the cats sleep has been haphazard.  I really identify with this song and it is nice to  put words and music to the insomnia.  Please be for weekends and Restoril.  Yeah, take some time out of petty sleep.

I spoke with my realtor today who did two things.  First, assured me things are going forward and second, even that being true it could all fall apart if the bank and the foreclosed people get pissy.  Then I would not only be devastated but embarrassed that the plans gang aft agley as it were.  Let's hope the bank, Citi by name, doesn't get too pissy.  The bank can forgive the former mortgage holders the rest of their debt but then they have to report that as income.  And they may rather strike a better deal where they owe and pay nothing.  I hope to God they are decent folks and just want to get out from under the burden of a foreclosure.  Here's hoping.

The waiting is the hardest part (with apologies to Tom Petty)

As I understand it the house process is jammed up at the title company.  Everyone is telling me to breathe, relax and expect the best.  The bank wants more information from the title company and HUD, which should bode well for me.  I have, after all, been pre-approved for the mortgage with 20% down.  The problems aren't on my end.  The only problem is that I want this one house so badly, primary because it needs some work and I ca.n put my own imprimatur on the place.  And it is just perfect for me.  For Me.  I am just going out of my mind and the whole process I must accept is rally out of my hands at this point.

And, on top of that, winter is at our doorsteps.  Cold, darn cold.  First day for a winter coat.

It will only get worse from here on out.

The glass is half full.

To be a king is not worth it
         H.B Levy

It's good to be king
          M. Brooks

The waiting IS the hardest part
            T. Petty

Hurry up and wait

Stress

I think as long as the house is pending I am destined to have stress headaches.  I must say by the time of my lesson last night I was fairly out of it because of some headache meds and some Valium.  That said it was a good lesson.  Have a few new pieces to play and some old pieces to tighten up.  Practiced for forty five minutes this morning,

Yesterday with Hyphen was a very good session,  again I wa plagued by a headache which caused my eyes to tear excessively, or maybe that was allergy.  In any case I was feeling miserable.  But the session went well.

Cold weather is approaching, maybe some snow.  It is snowing like hell up north.  But we will just be cold...polar vortex, as opposed to the Polar Vortex, a person who was an acquaintance but had turned into a different kind of soul sucker.  She just took your life over.  A frustrated mother she might be...a mother without real children but who basically collects people and tries to run their lives. We parted ways after she approved of a more aggressive surgery than I was prepared for and made th decision for me while I was under anesthesia.   I was out of work for six weeks, instead of the week the regular surgery would have allowed for.  And then the surgery was bothced and I had to have the same surgery, although laparoscopically this time, two years later.  And I was only out two weeks and that included a week in the hospital because I had developed pneumonia.  Life is good that way.

In any event stress rings supreme.  Thank goodness for Valium.

Saturday in the park with George

Spent the day napping, watching football, cooking and putting two new cat trees together.  Made beef stroganoff for dinner and will eat soon.  Watching more football.  Too anxious to watch MSU so I am watching Alabama and LSU play.  Checking the scores o. All the games. The Auburn and Texas A&M game was great.  That's when I decided to put the cat furniture together and they have yet to try it out.  It will be perfect In the new house.

Tomorrow more football and the Moscow Symphony with Nadia  Sonnenberg,  I love her violin virtuosity.  Hopefully Brody's Mom is back from Grand Rapinds to go with me.  We shall see.

Other than putting cat furniture together I had a okay day.  Not much to,report..

Exhaustion

I have just been exhausted of late.  Whether there is an emotional component to that I know not.  I am tired when i go to couch (no bed...yet). And tired when I get up.  Tired all day.  Some may be subliminal depression waiting to hear about the house.  Some is due to the impeding holidays.  I have a Yahrzeit in late December and that always brings a moodiness.  It's like I am always waiting for something bad to happen around the holidays.  My grandmother was killed a little over a month after her 90th birthday in a car accident in which she was a passenger in a car in a funeral procession.  This is how long ago it was.  A Montgomery Ward truck ran into the procession and my aunt who was the driver was seriously injured and never the same after that.  Her sisters were someone injured but required no hositalization.  My grandmother was sitting behind the driver.  Killed.  Like that.  The arrangements were a clusterfux of her sisters and my parents engaging in an argument over where they would sit Shiva.  The house in Detroit, well, was in Detroit and all the family other than my parents lived in the suburbs.  So we had a split Shiva.  I was a mess.  In shock, dealing with a cousin who was told by my grandmother to watch out for me (apparently at 31 I couldn't care for myself).  What my grandmother never knew is that cousin abused me when I was five and I had no regards for him and his wife.  Which also was borne out by his actions after aunt Martha passed away and their manipulation of her last wishes and her estate.

Like I said I was in shock for months afterwards.  Probably what contributed to my breakdown a few years later.  Friends thought it would be a nice idea to take me to a movie.  So we saw the Color Purple and I wept throughout the movie and this didn't help matters.  Having the breakdown was more beneficial.

So because of this I have uneasy feelings about this time of year.  Making it to the 1st of the year is always a victory.  Waiting for the holidays to pass is always a chore and waiting to hear about the house is making the waiting agonizing.

So, dear friends, treat me with kindness and kid gloves this time of year.  Enjoy your holidays and remember not all of us are festive.  Mainly stressed and anxious.  This all happened twenty nine years ago and it's as if it just happened.  Given the youth of my parents and my mother's alcoholism it was my grandmother who did most of the raising and it always angered my mother that I felt closer to her mother than to her.  Oh well.  Matters not now.  An orphan the storms I have only memories and not always pleasant ones.

No comment redux

I have received no comments from anyone regarding my Christmas situation and a potential hug from the unnamed chickenshit.  Oh, well, it was my chickenshit way of handling an uncomfortable situation when neither one of us enjoys confrontational events.  I am told by Hyphen that I suck at confrontation, harkening back to the days when I loved to engage in confrontational behaviors, say twenty years ago, gang aft agley.  But now confrontation is not a strong suit, although I am very good at sitting and stewing.  Hence a tendency to passive aggressive behavior. 

The painter last night gave me a good price and I told him painting would commence when I closed on the new house.  (Sending positive vibes...okay, don't yell).  Sending positive vibes to the universe, hoping that the earnest monies will soon be requested for the house.

I did joint a synagogue recently and plan on going to a show in the Detroit area in December.  Old Jews Telling Jokes.  Looking forward to going with Gastric or just by myself.  But with Gastric would be more fun.  A nice way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

So, I am prone to rambling right now.  So off to lunch I go. 

No comment

Yes, I have no comment.  This night is turning into a clusterfux.  First the service guy for the furnace came and told me I needed a new filter, but he didn't offer to replace for me.  What good is he?  Now I am waiting for the painter to get an estimate on, well, painting the condo and also the new house when that comes to fruition.  Hopefully that will be soon as this waiting is making me bat shit crazy.  As if I weren't already.  Holidays!  Wow!

Buying piecemeal for the new house.  I did order the coffee table as it was the last one in stock and I had a $70 credit to apply to it.  Also ordered the rug today and tonight someone is coming to look at the current rug and to see if he wants it.  The hassock is spoken for.  I am percolating but the bank is slow as molasses in, well, November.  I am tracking all the other items to make sure they are still In stock.  Overstock.com is a good site but they do run out of items.

Anxiety...that is my middle name right now.  Not sleeping well and just super anxious about the house.  Breathe, Hyphen says.  Right...breathe.

That's it for tonight.  Painter is here.

Catharsis

Yes, gentle reader, I am feeling much better since yesterday's commentary on family and outcomes.  I am still not sure what I am doing beyond a pecan pie for Gastric and her family on Thanksgiving.  My usual Hanukkah celebration is not feeling very festive but that is still over a month away.  I am anxious about getting the house and that is coloring my mental state.  The bank, Citi, is taking up to ninety days to get back to me and it is hurry up and wait and wait and wait,  at this point I don't know if I can be in by April but I am still hopeful.  I would love to have an answer from Citi before Thanksgiving.  That would be great but I am thinking it will be closer to the first of the year.  And what a great new year's gift that would be.

So today's stuff is a furnace tune up and a painting estimate.  Then about 7:00 I am able to stand down.  Lately I have been both anxious and very tired.   I could have slept longer this morning but was still up at 4:00 a.m.  Practiced with a purpose for about forty five minutes.

This day is a day.  Who knows what will come.  Mal even said good morning yesterday.  Wow!  I was unprepared for that.  I worked until 5:40 yesterday and she must have thought I had left at my usual time as she got very talkative and got loud around 4:30.  I wasn't going to say anything, just file it under noise complains and save for a rainy day when she get bitchy again.  One day she is al oat complacent about work and the next she hates it.  And I thought I was bipolar...

Time to get ready for work.  Mor later.

Family comes first

And if you don't have a family, like me, you make one.  I am my own cohort, but, like a Venn Diagram, I have various points of intersection.  At one point Jerry and I were family but he has been gone almost two years.  My family of the last year has seen fit to exclude me to some extent because of shifting relationships,  Gastric has been kind enough to include me with her family.  But, as I mentioned yesterday, Christmas plans, and it is sad to be to be alone on such a family day, are shot to shit.  That wouldn't be a problem save for the fact that plans had been made and now they have been unmade as I seemingly have been excluded from one made up family.  And that wouldn't be a problem except that the individual involved is apparently too frighten of me to be honest and tell me that their plans have changed and they no longer include me.  That they are making a new family and it includes me not.

I can put up with a great deal, but I don't deserve to be treated like an outlander when once I was part of that "family".  Don't be, as Hyphen opined during session yesterday, a chickenshit,  just be honest and tell me plans have changed,  I have time to make other plans but what has hurt has been their lack of honesty and consideration.  Gastric has opened her home to me but at this junction I had had plans to have people in for dinner and I don't know that their plans have changed and I am not going to renege on an invitation.  That's not how I work.  I have a commitment and I will honor that.  Should things change I can be part of an extended family with Gastric.

The dynamics of a relationship have changed but that person has been a chickenshit about being honest with me.  I can and am happy for them in a new relationship, but I don't deserve to be flung aside in light of that.  And please don't act as if nothing has changed.  They have changed...not I.  Maybe they are afraid I can't be happy for them.  I do worry but they are grown ups and entitled to their own life.  Who am I to judge?  But being slighted like I have been has hurt me to the quick and has caused me anxiety which is slowly morphing into anger.  I can't believe that person is so oblivious to everything else that they deign to treat me now as an afterthought.  Give me a hug, acknowledge the shifting paradigm, and don't be a chickenshit,

And that, good friends, is the catharsis I needed.  Bless you Hyphen and Pseudo-Hyphens for framing the issue and giving me the space to mourn losses.  And speaking of chickenshit, this was a pretty chickenshit way of handling this situation.  Ta-Da!

Gang aft agley

Or thus goes the best laid plans.  Early returns on the upcoming holiday season are not going too well.  Gastric is having me over for Thanksgiving and I must make a pecan pie.  Plans for Hanukkah and Christmas, not so much.  A planned post Hanukkah meal, a non traditional annual pasta celebration now looks as if it may not come off, leaving me bereft on Christmas Day, not my holiday but still a poor time to be alone.  Jerry, my late neighbor, but not so late then, and I always had a delightful holiday repast of prime rib and all the fixings.  That morphed in a pasta party, which was delightful, but now that may not come to fruition and right now I am not in a good place to even want it enough to plan.  I was up most of the night fretting over what I might do.  I can plan on a new home in my future and entertaining there and I will not rely on another to entertain with.  Gastric has her own family and I have none, basically, so after Hanukkah I will be cocooning for the winter months with the cats.  Maybe I will make a nice meal for me and the boys.  A nice shrimp cocktail for the boys.  Of a sudden I am feeling more lonely and tired as if I am at the end of a long journey to Me.  I treat friends the way I want to be treated and should that not be reciprocated that always leaves me depressed and wondering why I have even tried.  But my best may not be enough.  If you think you can buy friends, well, you get what you paid for.  When I hurt I hurt to my core and there is no better word than bereft.  Maybe my father was right.  You have lots of acquaintances but very few real friends.  And between the Soul Sucker, the wife of Urinal, and scattered bits and pieces this has not be a great year for acquaintances.  I guess I need to learn to take care of myself first.  How can I be happy when I am hurting?  And why do I let myself get so hurt by thoughtless people. 

This is a very hard time of year for me, as it is for many people, when it is all too apparent what we have lost.  Do I need a new house, well, yes, and it is also part of the journey.  As I listen to You Are My Sunshine and reminisce about the Aunties and our holidays I am indeed bereft.  I am truly hurting and yet don't feel like I can confront the source of the pain.  Maybe Hyphen and all the Pseudo-Hyphens will be able to offer some succor. 

Quiet day

Nice, quiet weekend.  Went to the symphony last night with Brody's Mom and had a lovely evening,  today is game day with friends and before that a lovely session of foot reflexology and probably a nap.  I am thinking of going to breakfast or making same here at home,

Not much happening but I wanted to say 'hi'.

Not so much

Went to the house yesterday and realized it is not as spacious as I first envisioned.  I have enough art for two houses now and need to slow down and re-think furniture.  I have the new kitchen mapped out, light cherry cabinets, dark hardwood floor, black appliances, and granite countertops.  Lots of small islands and cabinets for storage and lots of lights.  The sofa I covet may not fit so I have to step back and re-think.  The bedroom situation may have reversed with the smaller bedroom becoming the music and music office room.  I can have a small office in the bedroom as well.  The floors need some sanding and then refinishing.  Brad the Contractor will handle it all, including some cosmetic painting of the outside and removal of some rather large bushes/small trees.  Brad will also be handling the move.  I decided to also have the bath torn out and the tub replaced with a walk-in shower. 

I was so excited when I got home and yakked on the phone for a long time with JB.

Gastric has taken an actual vacation day and I am here all alone.  Oh, well.  She is picking me up and taking me shopping and then will come to my place and I will give tech support for her iPad.  The weather is crappy today...cold and wet.  Perfect day for allergies and a sinus headache.

Oh, well, on to the day!

If Detroit can't win it all...

I am happy the Giants won the World Series and not just because I won a $10 bet.  I hate KC.  Originally I had wagered $5 but after the Giants went up 3-2 I told my wagering compadre that double or nothing that it would go all seven games.  Yee-ha...it did and the Giants won it all.  Almost blew it in the bottom of the ninth on a E-8, but the last KCbatter fouled out to the Panda and voila, they won it all, and so did I.

Today after the Diversity Social at work I am meeting with my general contractor to go get what I want done to the new house.  I have a list and so does he.  I don't know if we will be going to the house for a walk through.  A friend is coming along for the ride and to see the house.  I just want a day off and a little peace of mind, some rest and a quick resolution, and closing.  I am saving my vacation time for when I move and have to take some time off to get settled. Then I can start taking Fridays off for the summer and really take care of the new house.

Yes, looking forward to the time off at Thanksgiving.  I enjoy working over the Christmas holidays as it is so quiet at worki can get a great deal of work done.  Two months left to this year.  If I can make it patiently through the next ninety days I will be good to go for the move.  But a day off would be lovely.

So, now I am going go to work and relish my wager win.

Tuesday panics

For some reason, and I think I may k ow why, I was just in a panic yesterday about the house.  I was afraid. And will continue to be afraid until we actually close, that I won't get the house.  My current bedroom/music room looks like a staging area for Normandy.  Not that I have bought anything more than artwork and cat furniture, but still...

I am feeling better about things today. Perhaps because I actually got some sleep night night.  Had a nice relaxing dinner with friends after work and came home and just crashed.  Actually slept until 4:00 a.m.  Showered and practiced and I am not In Such a shit and a sweat about getting the house.  I was stressing so hard yesterday that my financial guy arranged for me to get a massage.  What a guy!

I did call my psychiatrist and get some sleeping medication.  Prior to last night I was only getting about three or four hours of sleep a night.  With the time change this weekend and and all I hope to catch up on some rest.  No plans this weekend.  The plan for today is to come bphope and get some grocery shopping done.  Watch the World Series and collect on my wager.  I have the Giants in seven and tonight is the night.

Time to get to work and do some, well, work....

So...

This will prove to be a busy week.  Monday I have therapy and my mandolin lesson. Tuesday a haircut and dinner with friends.  Wednesday the furnace gets winterized.  Thursday I meet with my contractor and Friday I teach guitar.  The weekend looks free...so far.

For some reason and I will discuss it with the mandolin doctor I fear praticing.  Once I get through what I am learning for the following week I feel better but basically practicing is a chore and it shouldn't be.  I love music and I am slowly getting better on the mandolin but I think if my mindset were better I would pick it up faster.  Yep, I need an attitude adjustment.

I am waiting to hear about the down payment on the house.  I get paid, monthly, on the last day of the month so it would work out well if I could cut a check this weekend. I'd feel better if they had some earnest monies and the sign in front of the house said sell pending.  Brad, the contractor, is coming Thursday to discuss the renovation.  I am prepare to have the kitchen completely torn out, the bathtub taken out and the floors redone, as well as th house painted.  I'd like the wall paper in the dining room gone and a two tone paint job done.  Brad wants to talk about some plumbing issues and some outside cosmetic issues.  I listen and spend.  I have a notebook full of changes I want and so does Brad.  I listen I spend.

I am anxious...free floating type.  There is still some unresolved tension with Mal. I just have to talk to Hyphen and let her know how I feel.  Some of the anxiety is about the house and wanting to put up the earnest monies.  Once that is done I will feel more in control of the situation.  And getting started on the kitchen and bath tear outs and knowing I have the funds to do what both Brad and I want will relieve some stress.

So. It is 2:30 Monday morning, I am wide awake, and anxious.  Some of the new cat furniture will come this week.  It will look great in the new house.  My music room/bedroom currently looks like a staging area.  Framed pictures, furniture, a new vacuum.  Yep, I am out of room.  I will double my space at the new house.  And you know I know what I am doing.  My aunt called last Saturday and tried to tell me what I should do regarding the new residence and I wanted to crawl through the phone and rip her face off.  I have a notebook of concerns and ideas and I am on top of things.  I just want to get moving. I guess, I felt like she was maybe treating me like I was a child, and really she is just treating me as if I were her child.   I consult my new house notebook daily, adding new items and concerns.  I think I am sold on getting the tub ripped out and a walk in shower installed.  I am almost certain to put in a security system, which will help with my homeowners insurance.  Motion lights outside and on the front porch.  I am now just thinking out loud and this is helping me to relieve some stress.  Now, if I could just sleep some before going to work...

Later

Temper, temper, Ms. Cranky Pants

The last two days I have gone home to small disasters wrought by the cats.  I lost it both days, once in front of Gastric.  I warned her I was going to blow and she said go ahead, so I did.  I yelled and yelled.  And the only cat it impacted was Gonif, my baby and most sensitive cat.  I have got to learn not to lose it, especially as it concerns Mister Gonif Cat.  I am sitting here at work, dreaming of moving into my new home and how many happy times the home will see and the fixated on some sad times, like when a old Gonif goes across the Rainbow Bridge (*euphemism).  I remember how upset I was the last time I lost a kitty and it was not even mine, it was Jerry's late cat Sassy, who only outlived her owner by a few months.  Alright I have to pull myself together.  Yes, there will be sad times ahead, but, hopefully, more happy times.  My cats are really my family now.  Parents...gone...grandparents...gone...Aunties (and uncles)...gone. Yes, my dad's older brother is still around and just celebrated an eighty-something birthday.  And his wife, my Aunt, has been good family to me...but they are in California.  Cousins in Chicago, Seattle and California.  Some family in the Detroit Area but since I apparently ran away from home I don't hear from them unless they need something from me, which is rare. 

So, bottom line, I better learn to stifle the temper and be nicer to the cats, especially Gonif.  Yelling doesn't bother Yankel and Simcha, just Gonif.  The other two just look at me and seem puzzled, or stare at a visibly shaken Gonif and wonder what's up with that.

So for happier times, look to move in by Passover 2015.  Seder-rific.

Big day into a big night

Gastric, as she had been threatening to do all week, called in sick today but I suspect it is more of a mental health day than an illness.  So I am all along.  Went to Subway and snagged sandwiches for a few of us.  I'll eat at my desk.  Leaving at 4:00.  That is when the limo will depart.  I really need to get a good alias for her.  How about She Without an Alias?  Okay, I will work on it.

Big to do on campus tonight to mark the start of a major capital campaign for MSU.  I am going to the dinner at Beaumont extravaganza.  The preliminaries didn't interest me.  I think five hours in celebration of MSU is a bit lengthy, even for a diehard MSU supporter like myself.  Dinner at 8 will be sufficient.  Business casual is the attire.  I will have time to go home and rest before dinner. 

Tomorrow, ah, tomorrow, is the big rivalry football game between MSU and the other Michigan university.  Stand tall, men, and beat the piss out of the A2 riff raff.  I don't know if I will be brave enough to watch the game.  UofM has had a bad season so far and they really may be pumped for this game and take us to task.  I am prayerful we are equally as pumped and take it to them.  Go Green (Go White...fight, fight, fight)

Whatever the outcome of the game the town will be a looney bin for a few days.  I shan't be going out tomorrow.  I think I shall cook up some stew or short ribs turning into tacos.  Slow cooking day.

I wish, I wish, I wish I knew more about the remodel of the house.  And also if I can get the condo sold quickly.  I am getting anxious, like I used to before the end of the year and the holidays.  Having the house worked on will make the winter pass more quickly.  I hope.

I am trying to get an analogy worked out. Something along the lines of:  It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.  And it came out like: it's not the amount of life lived but a life well lived.  This was brought on as I was listening to music yesterday and the song was very upbeat and I wondered, to myself of course, how the singer might have sung the song if she was aware that she'd be dead at a young age.  So, I thought, along the lines, that it isn't the length of the live lived, but the how it is lived.  She sung that song like there was no tomorrow to worry about.  She was living...not worried about how long she would like, but living for the moment.  I need to be more in the moment.